One Shots
by they're only words
Summary: This is a response to GJ7B.X's challenge to write 30 oneshots. They're all unrelated to each other. Rated T just in case. R&R!
1. Bookstore

A/N-This is a response to GJ7B.X's challenge to write 30 Life With Derek one-shots, based on the topics listed. I'm probably going to upload all the one-shots into one story. So each chapter is going to be unrelated. They might all be Dasey, they might not. I haven't really decided yet. Anyways, please let me know what you think!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek, or any of the books listed. No copyright infringment was intended.

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**Bookstore**

Derek snuck around the stacks, trying to spy on Casey. He knew she was here, it was her favorite place to be, besides the library. The only reason the library was first was because the books were free there.

He spotted her. She was standing in the next aisle over, browsing through the romance section. He was very quiet, trying to be sure that she couldn't see him.

This was the first time he had followed her to the bookstore. Desperate times call for desperate measures. It had all started about four months ago.

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"You're such an idiot Derek. Can you even read?" Casey yelled, angry that he had stolen a book of hers.

"Well, duh. It's not like I took your book just to look at it. If I wanted to look at a book, I'd take one of Marti's, since at least hers have pictures." He retorted, casually handing the book back to her.

"Why did you even take it? I thought reading makes you itchy?"

"Normally, yes. But until the cable guy comes to fix the TV, and until Edwin fixes my Game Cube, I am a little under stimulated." This was only half of the story; he had also taken the book simply to have this argument.

"Okay, fine, but why this book? It's kind of…girly." She was right, White Oleander was chick lit, through and through.

"I didn't realize it until I started reading it. By the time I figured it out, I was kinda sucked into the story."

"If you had read the back, you would've realized it sooner. It says it's about mother-daughter relationships."

"Like I think ahead enough to read the back of a book before I read the actual book." And with that Derek walked out of her room.

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After that day, he had started reading more and more, because he found that he could discuss the books with Casey, and she even stopped being so disbelieving of his reading after the first couple of days. He enjoyed the fact that she actually respected his opinions, and didn't just brush his thoughts off. He began to respect her, and maybe to feel…other feelings.

They discussed their favorite Sarah Dessen book (This Lullaby, because goofy Dexter managed to get uptight Remy to calm down and break all of her stupid dating rules for him), the pros and cons of Nicholas Sparks books (they're good, sweet stories, but they're also so damn depressing!), and why the later Harry Potter books were better than the earlier ones (the characters are so much more developed, and wizard angst rocks!).

While Derek began to not mind chick-lit after a while, he did want to read some books that weren't so girly. So they began to take turns picking out books to read. Derek would pick one week, then Casey, and then Derek again, and they just went back and forth in this manner, always buying two books so that they didn't have to share. Derek usually had to go to the bookstore to find ones for his turn, and before too long Casey started going too.

The first book Derek picked was Killing Yourself to Live: 85 of a True Story by Chuck Klosterman. Casey was skeptical at first, convinced that a rock-and-roll odyssey wasn't something she was going to enjoy, but by the end of the week she was convinced. She trusted Derek's taste in books after that, not even complaining when he handed her Whale Talk by Chris Crutcher, even though it was a sports book.

The rule was supposed to be that they weren't allowed to interfere in each other's picks, but lately Derek was getting annoyed with Casey's choices, hence him following her to the bookstore. Her last four turns she had picked trashy harlequin romance novels. The books were all the same: a woman and a man meet, they bug each other and/or their circumstances prevent them from being together, things get very hot and heavy in secret, and they wind up together, or dead.

When she had handed him the first one two months ago, he thought she was joking. "Do you really expect me to read this?" He asked her expectantly.

"Yeah, I do. I've always read the books you pick out, you should read the books I pick out." She walked out of the room. He just stared at the book in his hands. It was More than Seduction by Cheryl Holt. Even the name was ridiculous. She couldn't be serious, could she?

He had read the whole story, then ripped it apart when they discussed it. She seemed to be seriously offended by his criticism. "Derek, it was a sweet story about two people who honestly loved each other. What is your problem? Do you not believe in love?"

He sat there looking at her with his mouth open. He didn't even know how to respond. He just got up and walked into his bedroom. _She's seriously off her rocker. Doesn't she see how trashy that shit is? There's no real value to it._

To try and snap her out of her literary funk, he picked Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, thinking that a story about a futuristic world where people have no choice in their lives would bring her to her senses, but to no avail. The trashy stories just kept coming. Which led to him following her to the bookstore. He was determined not to let her get another one.

She picked up a book. "Hmm. Too Wicked to Wed." She grabbed another copy of it and began to head towards the registers.

"Uh-huh. Put it back." Derek stepped out from where he was hidden. "I cannot read another crappy story. Either you find a book with something to say, or I'm quitting our little book club thing."

"Derek, that's not fair. I've read every book you've picked."

"Yeah, that's because I pick books that are good, not shit that follows a formula. A bad formula."

"It's not a bad formula. Two people who are in love, but can't be together, end up together against all odds. How is that bad?" She pleaded, looking like she was about to cry.

"It's not a bad idea, but these stories are badly written. They're nothing like real life." He responded. He thought he was beginning to catch on to why she loved these "star-crossed lovers" stories so much.

"Well, maybe real life should be more like books." She looked down sadly at the book.

Derek decided to take a chance. "Well, what would you like to happen in real life? Would a handsome young man walk up to a beautiful young woman in a bookstore," he moved closer to her, "take her into his arms," he wrapped his arms around her waist, "and kiss her?" he leaned down into her, but waited for an answer to his question.

"Yes," she said, "that's exactly what I would like to happen." And she reached up behind his head to pull him into a kiss.

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A/N-I have read most of the books I listed. The only ones I haven't read are the two harlequin romance stories, because I'm not into that sort of thing. If you like them, that's great, and I'm sorry if you were offended by what I said about them. Review!


	2. I'm Sorry

A/N-Whoo-hoo! Another one! This one isn't Dasey, and it's slash (i.e. male on male pairing) so if you don't like it then please don't read it. If all you have to say about this story is how wrong slash is, then I don't want to hear it, just don't bother reading the story. Again, this one has nothing to do with Bookstore, the last chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek, and no copyright infringment was intended.

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**I'm Sorry**

"Hey," Derek said, pulling her tear-stained face up so that he could look her in the eye. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way. It just kind of…happened."

"It's fine." She responded, sounding dead inside. She laid down on her bed, back turned towards him.

He sighed. He really was sorry, just not sorry enough to try to change.

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**Earlier that day...**

Derek and Sam were walking home from school. They were laughing about the guest speaker that had come into their health class.

"_Now, I know that some of you are probably curious about this next topic, but are too afraid to ask because of what people might think about you. But you should know that it's okay to be gay." Some students had giggled. "I know you think it's funny at this age, but it's perfectly normal. Some people in this very classroom could be gay, and just haven't come to terms with it yet. People can't control who they love, being gay is perfectly acceptable. If you have any questions, there's a website at the bottom of the flyer I passed out earlier."_

"Who do you think is gay in our class? And better yet, who do you think that they fantasize about?" Derek asked, laughing the whole time.

Sam held on to his sides, which ached from laughing so hard. "Okay, I'm going to guess…Troy."

"Oh my God, I know! He always looks just a little too long in the locker room! And I'm willing to bet he fantasizes about you!"

"Me? No way, he fantasizes about you!"

The boys straightened out and looked at each other, still chuckling.

Derek said, "Come on, he totally fantasizes about you. With your pretty blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair, what gay guy wouldn't want you."

"Oh, come on. You're the most popular guy in school, and the best looking one. Everybody wants you, whether they admit it or not."

The chuckling slowly died out. They stood there silently looking at each other.

"Okay, maybe I'm popular and good looking, but I'm an ass. You're a much nicer person than me." Derek said softly.

"I'm nicer, but sometimes I'm too nice. I let people walk over me. You're nice too, you just pretend to be mean. Remember what you did for Casey when people were calling her Klutzilla?" Sam replied, stepping closer to Derek.

"I started that nickname though, remember?" He closed what little space remained between the two of them.

"Yeah, but it's the stopping it part that people always seem to remember." Sam reached up and cupped the side of Derek's face.

Derek leaned into Sam and pressed their lips gently together. Sam kissed him back, opening his mouth to let Derek's tongue in. Derek's hands roamed up and down Sam's back, feeling the muscles there that hockey and wrestling with him had developed. They broke apart, looking at each other questioningly.

"Um, yeah, so…" Derek started, looking down at the ground.

"Hey," Sam said, reaching for his hand. "It's not a big deal. People can't control who they love."

Derek grinned at him. "You love me?" Sam nodded, smiling shyly. "I love you too." He kissed him quickly, then let go of his hand so they could walk down the street without attracting too much attention. It was a miracle no one had seen them kiss.

"So, I'm not really ready to tell anyone yet. Are you?" Derek asked Sam.

"No, I just realized it today, I'd really rather get used to the idea myself before making other people deal with it."

"Good." Derek said. They had reached his house. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Okay, bye." Sam looked up and down the street, and, seeing no one, kissed Derek on the cheek.

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That night at home, Derek was in an especially good mood. Not even Casey could make him angry.

"God, Derek, save some food for the rest of us." She looked at the giant heap of food on her plate.

"Here, Case, what do you want? You're more than welcome to take some of it if you want it." He smiled at her, not a smirk, but a genuine smile.

_Oh my god, he's being nice to me. Maybe this is a good sign. Maybe he feels the same way as I do._ Casey smiled back at him. "No, never mind, it's fine."

George and Nora looked at each other from across the table, both thinking that it would be wonderful if things were actually starting to calm down around the house.

Later that night, Casey walked into Derek's room. He was on the phone. "Yeah…hmm, I don't know…a movie would be cool, what do you want to see…okay, sounds good…see you tomorrow…bye." He hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Casey asked suspiciously. If he was making plans with another girl, then her hopes would be ruined.

"Sam," Derek answered casually. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I just noticed that you were being awfully nice to me at dinner. Is something up?"

"Nope, just wasn't in the mood to fight."

"Any particular reason?" Casey stepped closer to him, closing all the space between their bodies.

"Uh, no, not really. Just in a good mood and didn't want to let you ruin it." He looked wildly from side to side, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

Casey leaned into him and kissed him. _Yes!_ she thought, feeling ecstatic, _I'm finally kissing Derek Venturi!_ Derek abruptly pulled away from her and pushed her off of him.

"Uh, Casey, what are you doing?" He asked her looking out the window to avoid looking her in the eyes.

"I thought you were being nice because you liked me back. You weren't, were you? Oh, god, I'm so stupid! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, just forget it, I'll leave you alone." She ran back to her room crying.

Derek sighed and followed her. "Listen, Casey, you're a wonderful person, it's just that…"

"It's just that I'm your stepsister and you hate me and I'm not your type." she finished for him.

"Okay, first of all, the stepsister thing never crossed my mind. I don't think of you as a stepsister. Second, I don't really hate you, it's just fun to mess with you. You have to know that I love to argue with you because you challenge me. Life is never dull with you around. And last, you're right, you're not my type, because…" he sighed. "Okay, you have to promise not to tell anyone what I'm about to tell you, because we decided to keep it a secret for a little while longer."

She nodded at him. "I can do that. Just please tell me."

"Okay. I'm, um…Sam and I are…I'm kinda…" he took a deep breath. This was harder than he thought. "I kissed Sam today and he kissed me back and now we're together and I guess that means that we're gay!" he let out in one breath.

Casey laughed derisively. "Look, Derek, you don't have to make up some stupid lie about being gay. I get it, you don't like me, it's okay."

"Casey, I'm serious. I really am gay. Please, just don't tell anyone yet."

"You're serious?" He nodded at her. "God, how pathetic am I? I fall in love, and not only is it with my step-brother, but he turns out to be gay, and dating my ex-boyfriend no less." She began to cry even harder, looking down at the ground.

"Hey," Derek said, pulling her tear-stained face up so that he could look her in the eye. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way. It just kind of…happened."

"It's fine." She responded, sounding dead inside. She laid down on her bed, back turned towards him.

He sighed. He really was sorry, just not sorry enough to try to change.

He got up and left. He called Sam and told him what had happened. Sam understood, saying that he felt bad for Casey. After all, who could understand how hard it was to love Derek better than Sam?

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A/N-Liked it? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know! Press the magical review button, and I'll send fairies bearing wonderful presents to your house!


	3. The Birds and the Bees

A/N-Okay, so I'm a complete procrastinator, and I had a couple of hours between some classes, so instead of reading, like I should've done, I wrote another story. Go me!

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringment intended.

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Birds and the bees

"Smerek!" Marti called, and walked into Derek's room without knocking. There was a flurry of activity on Derek's bed, with Casey falling off the side of the bed and Derek scrambling to grab the sheets to cover himself.

"Smerek, what were you and Casey doing? Are all of your clothes in the laundry?" Marti asked innocently, walking a little further into the room.

"Uh, yeah, Smarti, that's what happened. Now, will you please leave real quick so that we can find something to put on." Derek explained, looking pretty red in the face.

"Okay. But why was Casey in your bed Smerek? Why wasn't she waiting for her clothes in her bed?"

"Uh, I'll explain it to you when you're older." He wrapped the sheet around his waist and tried to push her out the door. Casey was still on the opposite side of the bed, trying to find any of her clothes.

Marti, however, wasn't having any of it. "No Smerek, you tell me now! I'm old enough!"

Derek sighed. He knew that he shouldn't have said that. Now he would have to tell her, or else he would go complain to George, and him and Casey would be busted. "Okay, Smarti, you go wait out in the hall for a few minutes, so that Casey and I can get dressed, and then we'll tell you, okay?"

"Okay Smerek!" she said happily and walked out of the room.

"Derek!" Casey hissed. "We can't tell her about the birds and the bees. She's too young!"

"Look, Case, either we tell her or she goes to Dad and asks him what's going on. This is the latter of two evils."

"Lesser, you moron, lesser of two evils." She said, rolling her eyes and grabbing the rest of her clothes.

"Yeah, whatever. Let's just get this over with." Derek walked over to the door and let Marti back in to his room.

"Kay, Derek, tell me what's up!" She exclaimed happily.

Derek rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. "Okay, Smarti, sit on the bed, and we'll talk." Marti sat on his bed, Derek sat next to her, and Casey sat down in Derek's computer chair.

"Okay, Smarti, um, when two grown ups love each other, they do what Casey and I were doing. Okay, good, bye now." He tried to push her off the bed, but she wouldn't budge.

"But Smerek, you and Casey aren't grown ups, you're teenagers. Dad and Nora say so all the time. And you don't love each other, you fight all the time." She looked confused.

"Okay, better explanation. Um, have you ever seen a boy and thought he was cute?"

"Yeah! Jimmy, this boy in my class, he's cute, and he thinks I'm pretty! He told me so, and we hole hands at recess, when we're not playing on the jungle gym."

"Okay, well, what Casey and I were doing is kinda like that, but it's only for older people. You're not allowed to do it until you're sixteen."

"Okay, but what were you doing exactly?" She asked. Derek squirmed.

"We were, uh, doing an older version of holding hands. We were holding other body parts." He said, not looking at Marti.

"What body parts were you holding?" She asked, not noticing his discomfort.

"You won't get them until you're holder. That's it for today okay? When you're older, you'll know more about it." He picked her up and carried her out of his room, then shut the door behind her. He turned and glared at Casey.

"What?" She asked, smiling.

"A little help would've been nice, instead of you just enjoying my discomfort."

"Oh, come on, Smarti loves her Smerek. Who better to explain it to her than you?" She blinked at him innocently.

"That has got to be the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had." He said, hiding his face in his hands.

"Just think, at least now when you have kids, you'll already know what to do!" She said, smiling brightly.

"Ugh, no, you get to do it when the time comes."

"Who says I'm having your kids?" She moved out of the chair and sat next to him on the bed.

"Oh, come on, like I want anyone else having my kids." He leaned over and kissed her deeply.

"Okay, but from now on we remember to lock the door, deal?"

"Deal." He agreed, sealing it with a kiss.

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A/N-Review! Also, I've been replying to everyone's reviews, even if it's just to say thank you for reviewing. If you don't want me to, then let me know and I'll leave you alone!


	4. Kittens

A/N-Whoo-hoo for procrastination! So this one is pure oneshot fluffiness. It has no real literary value or anything like that, it's just cute, or at least I think it is. Some background info for the story, I wrote it intending that Casey and Derek were already together and lived together, they could even be married if you want to see it that way.

A/N 2-I'm going to make a shameless pimp for my other one shot right now, because it happens to be one of my favorite stories that I've written. It's called _Die Young And Save Yourself_ based off of the song "Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades" by Brand New. If you would read and review that one it would make me very happy. Okay, shameless self plug done now!

Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek, or the idea for Casey's freakout, which came from the book Marley and Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog (which made me cry like a ten year old girl!) and no copyright infringment was intended.

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**Kittens**

"Oh, Derek, look at them! Aren't they cute? Come on, don't you want one?" Casey begged him, holding a tiny baby kitten in her hands.

"No, I don't." He said, shoving his hands in the pockets of his grungy leather jacket and walking away. He stopped when he noticed that she wasn't walking with him. "Are you coming?"

"Derek, please? This one's just adorable! Aren't you even the least bit curious if we are able to keep something alive?"

"Nope. I wanna save the surprise for when we have kids." He started walking away again, then stopped when she still hadn't moved. He sighed and walked back over to her. "This is really a big deal to you, huh?"

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Derek, I killed that stupid hanging plant in the living room window, then the rose bush in the front yard, and then that god-forsaken mini-tree thing that you brought home. What if I'm not a nurturer? What if I'm not cut out to be a mother?"

He sighed again. He really didn't want the damn kitten, but he knew that it would make Casey feel better to keep something alive. "Fine, but just one."

"Oh, can't we please get two? That way they can keep each other company? Please, please, please, puh-leeeease?"

"Alright, get two, just shut up already!" He yelled and walked back towards the truck.

Casey squealed and picked out two kittens-one male gray with wispy ear hair, and the other a female calico. "Derek, wait! What are we going to name them? These are our children now, we need to name them!"

"Casey, they're cats. Name them whatever the hell you want."

"Okay, well, what do you think about Lloyd Dobbler and Diane Court?" She held them up one at a time, announcing their names.

"What the hell are you talking about? Why do they need last names?"

"Oh, come on, it's from _Say Anything_." He stared blankly at her. "The movie from the 80s with John Cusak and Ione Sky?" Still no look of recognition. "The one where she's the valedictorian but no one knows her, but everyone knows and loves him? He goes to the party and gets to be the key master? His crazy friend wrote all the songs about Joe? 'Joe Lies When He Cries'?" Suddenly the lights clicked on.

"Oh yeah, okay, now I remember. Well, now you're making things creepy. Are the kittens our children? Because if they are, they shouldn't be lovers, and Lloyd Dobbler and Diane Court end up together." He took the kittens from her hands. "That would be kinda creepy, now wouldn't it?"

"See now, I figured the line between 'lovers' and 'siblings' could be blurred, considering our circumstances." She slid her arm into his, linking them together.

"There's a difference between our circumstances and these kittens. They come from the same litter, we don't. That would be kitty incest. That's not really appropriate, now is it?"

"Okay, fine, then what should we name them?" She asked impatiently.

He smirked. "Donnie and Marie."

"You're serious? You want to name our children Donnie and Marie?" She started at Ihim incredulously.

"Our children, no. These kittens, yes. Now get in the damn truck." He opened her door, helped her into the truck, and deposited the kittens into her lap. "Now, how long do we have to keep them alive before you think we are ready to be real parents?"

"Oh, about eight more months," she said with a twinkle in her eyes.

Derek stared at her. "Are you pregnant?"

She kissed him. "Uh huh, which is why this is our last chance to practice. Now come on, lets get them some kitty chow, cause not feeding them is definitely bad practice."

Derek shut her door and walked around to his side of the truck, smiling the whole time. Maybe the kittens weren't such a bad idea after all.

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A/N-Press the pretty blue button, and magical sporks shall come dancing upon your doorstep at midnight! Okay, probably not, but I will write you back if you review!


	5. It's Hard to Let Go

A/N-If I were a superhero, I would be procrastination gal. I'll save the world...tomorrow! Here's another oneshot, please review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek, nor was any copyright infringment intended.

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**It's hard to let go**

You know what, it's hard to let go.

I mean, yeah, okay, you probably did know that, because everyone has let go of something in their lifetime, but I mean, knowing it doesn't make it any easier.

I used to watch him playing hockey, thinking how beautiful he was on the ice. I don't think he ever noticed me there. He was always too wrapped up in some random girl to notice me.

That is, until he noticed her.

Of course he noticed her. Out of the two of us, she was the prettier one, the smarter one, the funnier one, the stronger one. I've reasoned this out in my mind a thousand times.

It never makes it feel any better.

The random girls weren't too bad. I could pretend that they didn't exist, because, let's face it, after too long they really didn't. Derek was a serial dater, girls never lasted long. How many days was it that Emily said? Something like 21? I don't remember exactly, but he was never really serious about any of them, so I ignored them.

She, on the other hand, was a different story.

He was fascinated by her. You could see it, any time they were together, they had something that made the rest of the room stop and watch. I've talked to Edwin, he says he knew about it long before they did. I guess I should've seen it, too. Now that I think about it, it was pretty obvious.

I was always trying to get him to notice me, but it never really worked. I always came in last, being his step-sister. It was Marti, then Edwin, then _her_, and then me, if I was lucky. It made me sick.

When I got the invitation in the mail, I cried for a week straight. I guess I knew it was coming, but I was happily living in denial. They had moved away, so, you know, out of sight, out of mind. I could pretend that they weren't together because I didn't have to see them. Until I was invited to the wedding.

That wedding was the hardest moment of my life. I knew that I should be happy for them, but it was so hard to be happy when I wanted to be the one standing at the alter.

Those words were so hard to hear. "Do you, Derek Venturi, take this woman, Casey McDonald, to be your lawfully wedded wife?" I almost died.

Then she called me a couple of months later. "Liz, are you ready to be an aunt? Doesn't matter if you are or not, because you're going to be one!" She was so happy, and I was so miserable.

I still haven't really let go. I never really date anyone seriously, no one gets too close. I keep holding out, hoping beyond all hope that Derek will see me like he did Casey, as more than just a step-sister.

It's just too hard to let go of that dream.

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A/N-Did you guess it was Lizzie? I know, it's kind of an odd pairing, but I thought it was good. If you thought it was good, press that pretty button and tell me!


	6. Butterflies

A/N-Okay, so this one is definitely dark. Or at least darker. It's definitely not happy. Derek's an ass. There's implied sex. Nothing explicit, but it's there. If you don't want to read it, I understand. Some people don't like the dark ones, but I do. So if you do too, then by all means, read and please review!

Disclaimer-I don't own Life With Derek, and no copyright infringement was intended.

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**Butterflies**

He hated how girls thought that butterflies were just so pretty and delicate. Yeah, they were delicate all right, delicate enough for him to pull the wings off of them so easily. He liked to destroy them, just for the hell of it. Because he saw what no one else saw.

Everyone else looked at butterflies and saw these beautiful, delicate animals. They saw how they flitted gently from flower to flower, landing softly on the petals. When he looked at butterflies, he saw overlarge bugs. They were moths, with colored wings. Moths were everywhere. They were common. They were ugly. People were stupid to think that butterflies were anything special.

Casey thought that they were special. She even got a tattoo of one, on her hip, right below the line of her jeans. He saw that butterfly every night, and he hated it. He wanted to cut that piece of skin off.

Casey thought that they were special because she viewed herself as a butterfly. High school was obviously her ugly little larva stage. Not that she was ugly in high school, just awkward. Then, the summer after high school was obviously her cocoon stage, where she began to become more sure of herself, without all the little social pressures of high school in the way. Finally, in college, she became the butterfly. Everyone flocked to her, guys wanted to date her, girls wanted to be her, or at least be her friend. Derek was still the coolest guy in school, but suddenly Casey became the coolest girl. He had a hard time understanding it. He saw her as another moth.

When he saw the chance to pull Casey's wings off, he did it. Just for the hell of it. To prove to himself that she wasn't anything more than a moth who had found some color for her wings.

It happened right around Christmas, on their first day home for vacation. They had driven home together for the holiday, and their parents had forgotten to take the day off to welcome them. Lizzie, Edwin, and Marti were all at after school activities, because Nora wasn't sure that they were old enough to stay home alone yet, since Casey and Derek weren't around to watch them.

Derek had started a fight with Casey over something ridiculous, how much she had packed, how much of it was to hide her wart, something especially dumb that had no real point behind it, and she had been arguing right back. As they fought, they had moved closer and closer together. Derek saw his chance, and took it. He leaned in and kissed her, hard. She pulled back a little, surprised at the sudden gesture, but Derek just slipped his hand behind her head and kept her close. She gave in, and they ended up in his room.

Derek could tell it was Casey's first time by how unsure and scared she seemed. Good. Even better for him. Afterwards, he kicked her out of his bed. She seemed shocked.

"You really don't feel anything? What was that for you?" She stood by the door, clothes bundled up in her arms, her lips quivering.

"That was called sex, Casey. Thanks for it. But now I'm kinda tired, and everyone will probably be home soon, so go on, get out." He rolled over so that his back was turned towards her. He heard her start to sob as she left. _Good_, he thought, _good_.

That night at dinner, she had sent him a mixture of looks, ranging from rage to disbelief to hurt. He had just smirked at them all, enjoying every bit of it. He could tell that he could get more enjoyment out of this.

Every night over that break, Derek would sneak into Casey's room. He was always very quiet, and she was always waiting for him. Afterwards, he always left right away, more often than not with Casey quietly crying and saying, "I hate you," over and over again.

His plan continued on the drive home. "So, Casey" he began, "I've been thinking about this week, and I've been cruel. You should give me another chance. I can try to be sweet" He pulled off of the main road and took them down a dirt road that looked like it hadn't been used in five or ten years.

"No you can't Derek. Please. At least tell me the truth." She said, tears in her eyes.

"Okay, fine. I don't love you, in fact, I'm not sure that I even like you. However, I like your body. I like feeling it quiver beneath me. I know you have this fantastic idea that I'll realize that I really love you, and stop being such an asshole, but let's be realistic here. It's your choice. You can have my attentions in the bedroom, or not at all." His hand sat on her hip. He leaned into her, stopping a couple of inches away from her. She could feel his breath on her lips, and she closed the distance, connecting their lips. He pulled back for a moment. "Aha," he said, "I knew you wanted it too."

"Shut up, you asshole." She replied, continuing to kiss him. She hated herself in that moment. She was letting Derek use her. She was letting him take advantage of her feelings for him.

Derek loved what he did to her. She was always there for him, any time he got bored he could call her and she would show up at his door. Anytime she began to think that she was worth something again, anytime those wings would start to grow back, Derek would start pulling again.

After a short while, Casey began to draw back from others. She stopped dating, afraid that other men would notice the marks on her skin lying just below the collars of her shirts. She stopped talking to her friends, afraid that they would notice the change in her. She regressed back from the butterfly to even lower than she had been before. Derek continued to use her, continually reminding her of butterflies' insignificance in the world.

Derek was proud of what he had done. He had managed to pull her wings off, and destroy her spirit.

She got the tattoo to remind herself of how she had been: beautiful, delicate, and loved.

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A/N-I warned you, not happy. Press the button and let me know what you think!


	7. Love Hands Us a Fairy Tale

A/N-Okay, so this one is dedicated to Zuzzeroo, who requested some serious Dasey for when she got back. Here it is my dear, hope you had fun wherever you were.

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

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**"Every once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale."**

"Please, Smerek, tell me again."

Derek sighed. She was 13, he knew that she was only using "Smerek" to get him to cave in and tell her again. Even though he had already said it 50 times in the past 24 hours that she had been staying at their apartment.

"Okay, the next time George and Nora want to go out of town, they can take you to Liz or Edwin's place. I cannot take it anymore."

"Smerek, please?" She looked up at him with big eyes.

"Damn it, Marti, we haven't used those nicknames for the past 6 years, when you decided that, at 7, you were too old and too cool to be called Smarti. So, stop calling me Smerek."

She pouted. "Fine, Derek, can you please tell me again?"

Casey walked into the kitchen and heard them talking. "What's going on?" she asked.

"Aha, you can take over from here. I've got to be, uh, anywhere but here." Derek picked his keys up off the table and left.

"Casey, Derek was telling me how you got together and why I'm not allowed to tell Dad and Nora." Marti looked at Casey innocently.

"Didn't we explain this to you last night?"

Marti decided to drop all pretenses and come out with it. Casey was a girl, she would understand. "Yeah, you did, but it's just so romantic. I like to hear it."

"Okay, kid, something's seriously wrong with your perception of reality, cause romantic is so not the word I would've used."

"Please Casey?"

"Fine, but last time, okay? I don't like telling it."

"Neither does Derek anymore." Marti giggled.

"It started the night of senior prom. That damn thunderstorm had been going all day, and our limo driver got so amazingly wasted while we were all inside dancing…

-----------

Everyone danced around the room having a great time. Casey and Sam had gone together, just as friends, because Casey had found herself single again after Max died after being mangled by a machine at the factory he worked at. Derek had come with Jamie, or maybe it was Janey, no one could remember for sure.

"Okay, couples, this is the last slow song of the night, so make sure you dance with someone special," the DJ announced as the beginning notes of "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain began to pour out of the speakers.

Casey and Sam made a move towards the dance floor, but then Derek stepped up to them. "Hey Sam, do you mind if I take this one?"

"If it's cool with Casey it's cool with me," he said, glancing at her.

"Why do you want to dance with me?" she asked suspiciously.

"Because you're my step-sister, this is senior prom, pretty soon we'll move out and won't see each other very often, and I thought that I would try to be nice, just for tonight though." He held his hand out to her, wiggling his fingers when she hesitated. She sighed and took his hand.

They moved out to the dance floor, and Derek placed his hands gently on her hips. "See, this isn't so bad."

"Yeah, I guess not. Just don't do anything that you would normally do, and this night will be perfect."

"What's something that I would normally do that would ruin tonight?"

"If you kicked Sam and I out of the limo so that you could have the whole thing for you and Jamie. Or Janey, which is it? I wasn't really paying attention."

He gave her a puzzled look. "Neither. Her name is Caitlin."

"Oh, wow, I'm way off. These girls names would be easier to remember if there weren't so many of them." she laughed.

"Well, it's not like I could just pick one. They're all so wonderful." he laughed back at her.

"Yeah, right, because girls with low IQ's are the most wonderful girls in the world."

"Well, there is this one girl that I've noticed recently, and she seems pretty special. But, she doesn't seem to be interested in me. Plus, she's off limits, technically."

"Since when have you listened to the rules? Besides, if she's special enough to make you settle down, then maybe you should go for it."

"Do you think so? I don't know if she likes me back though, and I don't want to ruin what we have right now."

"Derek, high school's almost over. You might not see this girl again until the 10-year-reunion. Make your move!"

"Okay." He stopped swaying to the music and pulled her closer to him.

"Derek, what are you doing?" she asked, with a hint of fear in her voice.

He took one of his hands off her hip and brushed some hair out of her face with it. He let it rest on her cheek. "Making my move." He slowly leaned into her, and…

BOOM! There was an especially loud clap of thunder, a flash, and the lights went out.

Startled, Casey and Derek jumped apart. The principal walked up to the stage where the DJ was set up. "All right kids, I guess that's the end of your senior prom. Drive home safely. Be careful in the rain."

The seniors started filing out of the room, slightly bummed about prom ending early, but quickly getting over it when they realized that the after parties would just have to start sooner.

Casey and Derek awkwardly looked at each other. "I guess we should find Sam and Jamie," he said, sounding slightly disappointed at the prospect.

"Caitlin," Casey corrected him. "Yeah, I guess we should."

The two stood around shuffling their feet for a couple more seconds. "So," Derek began, letting the word hang in the air.

"So?" Casey prompted.

"So, thanks for dancing with me. And, uh, maybe we can talk later?" he asked hopefully.

"Sure, I guess." she replied. They began to walk over to the table where they had left Sam. They found him, and Caitlin was there too. Unfortunately, the two were connected at the mouth.

Derek just stood there looking at them, dumbfounded. No girl had ever left him! Casey walked towards them purposely and whacked Sam over the head with her purse. "What the hell? I know we came as friends, but that doesn't give you the right to make out with other girls."

"Sorry, Case, couldn't help it." Sam shrugged sheepishly.

"Let's just go." Derek snapped irritably. Everyone gathered up their belongings and headed outside. Once they got to their limo, they were shocked to find the driver in the back, with a half-empty scotch bottle.

"Hey! It's my wonderful customers! The big shindig over already?" He wobbled out of the limo unsteadily. "Wow, maybe one of you kids should drive, I don't think I can make it." And with that he leaned over and puked.

"Okay, I'm calling Mom and George," Casey announced, taking her cell phone out of her purse.

"Wait, what about the after party? I wanted to go, and your parents won't take me out there!" Caitlin whined.

"We'll see if someone else can take us. Joe, wait, can you give us a lift?" Sam and Caitlin ran towards Joe's car after he nodded.

"Aren't you going?" Casey asked Derek when she saw him still standing next to her.

"Naw, I'm good. I think I just wanna go home and finish making my move."

Casey blushed. "Okay, well, I'm calling now."

------------

Later that night, Derek slipped into Casey's room and crawled into bed next to her.

"What are you doing?" she asked sleepily, making no move to kick him out of the bed.

"Making my move, duh. I had to wait this long, so I figured it should be a big move." He leaned over and kissed her.

They broke apart, and Casey sighed in contentment. "I'm glad you feel the same as me. It killed me to hear you talk about the girl you would settle down for, because I didn't think it was me. I told you to go for it, because I wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn't with me."

"I'm much happier with you than I could ever be without you," he said, snuggling in closer to her.

------------

…and we've been together ever since that night. You can't tell Mom and George because we're not ready to tell them yet, and we need to be the ones to tell them," Casey finished.

"Okay, but how can you not see that as romantic?" Marti asked, sighing. "It's like a fairy tale."

"Okay, kid, no more romantic comedies for you, or drama, or anything that involves people overcoming any sort of adversity to be together."

"Come on Casey. Why can't you admit how romantic it is?"

"Because this is real life, not some fairy tale."

"Yeah, but every once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale."

"That's sweet Marti, but you're still cut off."

"Casey, come on, please don't! They're like crack, and wouldn't you much rather I was addicted to romance than crack?"

"Nope, crack is an easier habit to break, cause I could just throw you in rehab."

"Casey, come on!" Casey walked out of the kitchen, with Marti following her and pleading the whole way.

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A/N-Okay, so I hate Max. Did it show? I just think that he's the most boring character on the show, he doesn't have any personality. Let me know what you think! Reviewers get a free Max voodoo doll!


	8. One Day This World's Gonna End

A/N-Okay, so this one is for NonToxic, because she hates Max as much as I do, and she requested a story like this. See what reviews get you? This is two stories in a row written because someone requested them. Come on, just push that button! Also, I'm sorry if this is formatted weird, but fanfiction wouldn't let me edit it on the website without cutting out the first part of the song. Does anyone know why it does that? Because it did it with Die Young and Save Yourself too, and it pisses me off. Anyways…

Disclaimer-I don't own Life With Derek, or Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

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**"Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this worlds going to end."**

Derek watched Casey at school, hanging on Max. She was faking smiles for his benefit, trying not to upset him. Derek knew she deserved better. She deserved someone who could control their temper.

_Hey girl you know you drive me crazy  
One look puts the rhythm in my hand.  
Still I'll never understand why you hang around  
I see what's going down._

Cover up with make up in the mirror  
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again  
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Unfortunately, the make-up only did so much. Bruises are hard to cover. Somehow, though, Max always seemed to place them in places that she could cover if she wore the right clothing. Before too long, her clothes looked like they were drowning her.

He could hear her when she cried at night. It made his heart break. He knew what she was thinking. She wanted to believe him. Max always told her how much he loved her after he beat the shit out of her. He would say dumb things like, "I didn't want to do that, baby, but you made me."

She seemed to have lost herself. She really believed it was her fault. Derek had heard them fight, more than once. She would always apologize, saying that it was her fault, she knows that whatever she had done that time makes him angry, and she should've known better. _Bullshit_, Derek thought. It's not her fault that Max is an asshole who takes his rage out on a girl half his size.

_A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect  
Every action in this world will bear a consequence  
If you wade around forever you will surely drown  
I see what's going down._

Derek knew all about the consequences of Max and Casey's relationship. Derek had fallen in love with Casey as a result of it. He wanted to save her. She had become the damsel in distress, and all Derek wanted was to be her knight. He knew that if she didn't leave soon, Max would surely kill Casey, and then tell the police officers it was her fault for making him angry.

_I see the way you go and say your right again,  
Say your right again  
Heed my lecture_

Derek would come to her room after she came home, asking if she was okay, and if he could do anything for her. She always brushed him off, saying that she was fine. He would try to build her self-confidence back up to where it was before her and Max got together. It never seemed to work. The words seemed to go in one ear and right out the other.

One day, he found her laying in the dirt over by the football field. "Oh, shit, Casey! Casey! Can you hear me? Are you okay?"

She groaned and rolled over. "I'm fine, just stop screaming at me." Derek looked at her. He could see a bruise already forming on her left cheekbone.

"Okay, that's it. I'm not going to stand by and let him beat the shit out of you anymore. This ends now." He started to walk away.

"No, Derek, I'm fine, it doesn't hurt at all, I'm okay, I'm…" she stopped. Her hand had grazed her cheek when she was trying to fix her hair. "I'm not fine, am I? This should stop."__

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

One day she will tell you that she has had enough  
Its coming round again.

Derek didn't need any more permission than that. He ran the whole way to Max's house, then began to pound angrily on the door. When Max opened it, Derek didn't say a word, just pulled his fist back and punched him square in the jaw. Max went down, and Derek continued to hit him, screaming the whole time.

"_Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?  
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has."  
_

When Derek finally felt the rage subsiding, Max could barely move. Derek then ran home, hoping that Casey had made it home okay. He hadn't even thought about helping her home, he just wanted to kill Max. When he walked in the front door, he found her sitting on the couch curled up in a blanket.

"Did you get Max for me?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

He moved quickly and sat down next to her. "Yeah, he'll leave you alone from now on, if he knows what's good for him."

"Thank you," she said, as she laid her head down on his shoulder.

He placed a kiss on her forehead and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "You're welcome, Casey, you're so welcome."

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A/N-Okay, so for the challenge, this didn't necessarily have to be a songfic, and I thought about doing a silly piece about global warming, or some other sort of end-of-the-world disaster, but I figured that people would want the song, since that line is so recognizable. If you want the silly end-of-the-world story, let me know and I'll write it and post it.


	9. Moving

A/N-I really should've done my calculus homework instead of write this, but this was much more fun, and therapuetic. I just barely moved down to college a week and a half ago, and my mother reacted the same way that Nora did. It really does suck. All of Casey's thoughts about moving are mine, and I feel much better about being in a new place after writing this.

On a different note, one reviewer, an anonymous one, asked me for a fic that killed off Sam as well as Max, and I just want to let him know that I probably won't write that one, just because I kinda like Sam. I don't think he should be with Casey, but he's cute in this "I'm friends with the most popular guy in school, but no one ever really notices me, please love me!" sort of way, so if I do kill him, it'll be in some horribly tragic way, and everyone will be sad, not like they were with Max .

And, third note, I'm trying to reply to every review that gets posted, even if it's just something quick like, "Hey, thanks for the review! I appreciate the feedback!" or something like that, so if you don't want me to reply, just say so and I'll leave you alone.

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, or Garden State, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

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Moving

This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Packing up my whole life into boxes. It was a very odd experience.

Sure, everyone moved at some point, unless you were one of those creepy 40-year-old guys that still lived in his mom's basement. Why is it only guys that do that? Or do girls do it too, but it's never talked about? Hmm, that's odd.

Anyways, I digress. It was so hard to take my whole life, put it in boxes, and load it into a truck, knowing that you will never again live in the home you grew up in. Or at least spent the last three years in.

It's like in that movie, _Garden State_. Large tells Sam, "It's a weird feeling, realizing that the place you used to live isn't home anymore. Suddenly, you have this place where you store all of your shit, but that feeling of home is gone, and you won't get it again until you get married and create that feeling for your kids. Maybe that's all a family really is, a group of people that miss the same imaginary place."

I stood there thinking this, brushing tears from my face. Suddenly, I changed my mind. I didn't want to go to college in the States after all. I wanted to go to the local community college, and stay living at home for as long as I could. I didn't want to move away from everyone I knew and start all over again. I wanted to stay right here, with my mom, and George, and Lizzie, Edwin, Marti, even Derek. Especially Derek.

Especially Derek, who had chosen that moment to come find me. "Casey? Come on, Case, where are you? Your flight leaves in a couple of hours, you're the one who wanted to get there early." He had finally reached the top of the stairs, and he poked his head into her room. "Casey? You okay?"

I smiled bravely at him. "I'm fine. It just looks so weird, doesn't it? I'm still trying to get used to the fact that I don't live here anymore." I looked around the room at the empty walls. All of my stuff had already been driven down to New York by a moving company, it was all waiting for me in my new apartment.

"I know," he stepped out of my room and next door into his. He was in the process of packing, but he still had another month. "I'm still adjusting too. But it'll be okay. This is what people do, right? They leave the nest. They go to college. They get married and buy their own homes. Everything will be alright." He smiled at me, trying to make me feel better obviously.

"Do you promise? What if I can't do it? High school was so easy, what if college is different? Harder? What if I fail all of my classes, and have to come back here to work at Smelly Nelly's for the rest of my life?" I was really freaking out now, and Derek could tell.

He walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulder. "Hey, come on, you know you won't work at Smelly Nelly's, they fired you already." I smacked him. "I'm kidding, Case. Come on, be real. You're going to do fine. It's me you should be worried about. I barely made it through college, it's a miracle they let me into film school."

"Yeah, right. You'll get by purely on charm, just like you did in high school."

"So you admit I'm charming? It's about time."

"Casey? Derek? Where are you two? It's time to go!" George yelled from downstairs.

"Well, I guess it's now or never," Derek said, giving me a squeeze.

"I choose never." I replied, trying to walk further into my room.

"Yeah, right, okay. Come on Casey, brave new world, here we come!" He slipped around behind me and began to push me out the door. I grumbled the whole way down, but as soon as I saw my mom I knew it was time to be serious.

She wasn't handling this well at all. Her eyes were all red, and it looked like she had just barely stopped crying. I knew that if I started talking about failing, she would lose it and make me stay here. Even though I was having second thoughts, if I stayed I wanted it to be my choice, not because my mother freaked out and made me stay home. I gave her a big smile and walked over to hug her. She started crying again before I even reached her.

"Mom, are you okay? We haven't even got to the airport yet." I asked her, worried that she _was_ going to make me stay.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just odd. This morning you still lived here, and now we're taking you to the airport so that you can live in an entirely different country." She began to compose herself. "I'm alright, I promise I'll try to hold it in until we get to the airport, okay?"

"Okay. Well, are we going?" I picked up the duffel bag full of things I had still needed, the only things I still had in this house.

George nodded and picked up his keys. Lizzie, Edwin, and Marti began to look very upset. They were staying here, because George wanted as little of a scene as possible, and he knew that my mother was going to make a huge one all on her own.

"Well, guys, I guess this is it." I walked over to my younger siblings. "Liz, take care of yourself alright? Call me if you need any advice, I don't care what time it is. Just because I'm leaving doesn't mean that I'm not still here for you, okay?" I pulled her into a hug, and began to cry a little when I noticed that she was crying.

"Edwin, don't worry about the girls, okay? They might not understand you now, but they will eventually, and when they do, don't start serial dating like Derek. Being in a real relationship isn't so terrible." I hugged him, and was a little surprised when I felt him hug me back.

"I promise to be better behaved than Derek," he said with his hand over his heart. He even looked a little teary, and I was touched.

"Okay, little one, what about you?" I picked her up. "If you need advice, the same rules apply to you that I gave to Liz, but don't forget that she's here too. You have an advantage, because you'll still have an older sister living with you. Make sure that you keep Mom and George on their toes, okay?" She nodded and hugged me, and I hugged her back.

"Alright, I guess it's time to go then," I said. I pulled all three of them into a group hug, picked up my bag, and led our little group outside.

------------

Good-byes at the airport were even harder than the ones at home. At least at home I was comfortable. At the airport everyone was saying good-bye. It was a very depressing atmosphere.

Naturally, my mother pulled me into a hug first. She was balling. "You call us if you need anything, okay?" I nodded. "And if anything happens, you call us and we'll be there, on the next flight, okay?" I nodded again. "And call. Call all the time. _I_ don't care what time it is. Just because you're leaving and growing up, don't think that you can get rid of us." I nodded yet again. There was a pattern here. "Oh, Casey, I'm going to miss you so much!" She gave up on speech and just held me, crying. I was crying too, but it seemed like nothing but a small leak compared to my mother's waterfall.

She finally let go of me, and I stepped over to George. He held his hand out, and I looked at him funny, then pulled him into a hug. "Thanks for being my dad," I said. When I pulled back, I saw him wiping at his eyes too.

That left…Derek. Wow, this was hard. I stood awkwardly in front of him. "So…" I started, looking at the ground.

He surprised me and pulled me into a huge, rib-crushing hug. "I'm going to miss you," he said huskily, and I knew without looking at him that he was crying.

"I'm going to miss you too," I said, the tears continuing as I wrapped my arms around him. "I'm sorry that we didn't always get along. I'm also sorry that I sometimes went out of my way to annoy you. Things around the house would've been so much easier if we had just made an attempt to get along."

He pulled back from me a little bit, still holding on. "I'm not sorry. I'm glad that we were like that. True, I could see how it would piss everyone else off, but I loved it when we argued. Thanks for making my life interesting, and for challenging me." I was really crying now, and he just leaned in and pecked me on the cheek before walking back to stand with George over at the souvenir shop.

My mom came towards me again, still bawling. She hugged me again. "Good luck, baby. I believe in you. You can conquer all of New York if you want to."

"Thanks," I said. I realized that, while I hadn't started out this way, I was now crying just as hard as my mom. "Okay, I guess this is it. New York, ready or not, here I come."

As I walked towards my gate, I turned around to look at them. George stood with his arm around Nora, him leaking small tears, her crying so hard it was a miracle she could see. Derek stood off to the side a little bit, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, crying a little, but trying to hide it. They all waved at me, and I waved too, looking at them for the last time as a member of my home.

------------

I finally made it to my apartment, after almost getting ran over by several cars on my way to get a cab, then losing said cab to a group of tourists, then almost getting ran over again on my way to another cab. I walked inside and sighed, sitting down on the loveseat that Mom and George had found for a good price and sent along to me. I looked up at the kitchen counter, and saw an envelope with my name on it sitting there. I walked over and picked it up, and read the letter inside, dated a week earlier.

_Casey,_

_Why oh why did you decide to take that stupid summer workshop? If you had just waited, we would've left for school at the same time, and your poor mother would only have had to say good-bye once. I can only imagine the scene she's going to cause at the airport. Well, then again, I suppose I should be thanking you, because I get to see it and prepare myself before I have to experience it myself next month. Well, I'm sure we'll be in constant contact, I just thought that some friendly words from a familiar hand would be nice for when you first got in._

_  
I love you, and I can't wait til I move in next month._

_Derek_

I smiled. Maybe moving out here wasn't such a bad choice.

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A/N-Let me know what you think by pressing the magical review button, and I'll tell you what you need to survive in the dorms.


	10. When I go to heaven, I'm going to meet

A/N: Just a little forewarning, this one is not happy. It's not dark or scary or mean or anything like that, it's just kind of depressing. But hey, it's a depressing prompt. I don't think I could've made a happier story out of it. It was kind of hard for me to write this one, because I had a couple of other ideas bouncing around in my head, but I wanted to get another oneshot for the challenge out, so here it is. I don't think it's too bad, but hey, you're the reader, so you tell me!

Also, I have to point out, this is the tenth oneshot, thus putting me one-third of the way through the challenge! Whoo-hoo! Feel free to do a happy dance for me.

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**When I go to heaven, I'm going to meet...**

Erika Venturi sat at her desk working on her college entrance essays. "These are so ridiculous," she mumbled as she looked them over. "'If you could be an animal, what animal would you be?' 'In your opinion, what's the greatest novel ever written?' These are so dumb. Who cares?" She sighed and lay her head down on the desk.

"Honey, are you okay?" Casey Venturi walked in carrying a tray that had a sandwich, some potato chips, and a glass of milk on it. She looked at her daughter. "College entrance essays, huh? Yeah, I remember how much those sucked. Let's see your prompts." She picked up the pages and read them. "Wow, I can't believe that they still use the exact same prompts. You'd have thought that in the almost 30 years since I went they would've gotten better prompts. Wow, wait is that right?" She quickly did the math in her head. _Left for college at 18, got my bachelor's at 22, finished grad school at 26, married Derek at 27, had Erika at 28, she's 18, that's 10 years after college, plus her 18 years, that makes 28 years._ "Wow, doesn't feel like that long." She sighed and pushed Erika's hair out of her face.

"It's hard to believe you're that old, mom."

"It's hard for me to believe I'm that old. I still feel like I'm seventeen. It still feels like your dad's going to walk through that door and start an argument with me about getting better grades, or hanging out with his friends, or something equally dumb." She had a small smile on her face, and she looked back down at the paper. "Hmm, this is a new prompt. 'When I go to heaven, I'm going to meet…'. The possibilities are endless."

Erika sighed. She had seen that one, and was unsure about taking it. "Yeah, right. You know who I would write about, and I wasn't sure if you could take it. I would probably have to ask you some stuff, and you never seem all that eager to talk about it."

Casey looked at her daughter with tears in her eyes. "You know that you can ask me whatever you want. Just because it's not something I enjoy reliving doesn't mean I won't tell you about it. You deserve to know. Besides, all the years before it were wonderful."

"Okay. Well, maybe I can get started on my own, and if I need some help I'll come find you, okay?"

Casey nodded and squeezed her daughter's shoulder as she walked out of the room.

"Great, now I have a topic. Now the hard part, actually writing it.

_Most little girls look up to their fathers. They believe that their daddies can do anything in the world, make anything feel better, fix any broken toy. As a child, I never had that feeling, that sense of security. My father died a short while before I was born. So, when I go to heaven, I'm going to meet my father. I'll find out what he was like as a child, what brought him and my mother together, and I'll tell him about myself. I'm looking forward to meeting him._

_I'm interested in what my father was really like when he was growing up. My grandfather always says things like, "high spirited" and "quite the handful" but I get the impression that there's more there than he's letting on. I feel that maybe my father was a bit of a trouble maker, or maybe even a BIG trouble maker, but no one wants to talk about him like that. To me, that seems unfair. Everyone else has these memories of him stirring things up, and I get nothing. If he caused problems, he probably had fun doing it. Just tell me, please! When I meet him, I'll finally learn the truth._

_My mother has told me her side of the story, but I would like to hear what attracted my father to my mother. Like I mentioned, it sounds like my father liked to cause problems, and my mother is the exact opposite. She's very calm and collected, and she prefers to fix things rather than stir them up. I just wonder how the two of them got together. My mother says that it was mostly just being in close quarters during their adolescence, as a result of her mother and my father's father marrying when they were fifteen, but there must have been more than that. She's told me that opposites attract, but surely not that opposite? What about my mother made my father fall in love with her? I want to know these things, but I can't know them until I meet the only person who has the answers._

_I can't wait to meet my father, so that I can tell him all about me. I know that they say that he's watching down from heaven, and I'm sure that he is, but I don't know for sure because there's never been any proof. I want to tell him what I've done, what I've accomplished. I want to let him know these things so that I can see that look on his face, the look I see at awards ceremonies and at graduation, that look of, "Yep, that's my daughter, and I couldn't be prouder." I miss that look, and I've never even seen it._

_I want to see the look of pride on his face, find out what he loved about my mother, and discover the truth about him when he was growing up. When I go to heaven, I'm going to meet my father, for the first time. And it will be one of the happiest moments of my life._

Erika brushed the tears that had fallen away from her face, and she brought the paper down to her mother. "Hey, mom, I'm finished. I think it's good, but I'd like you to read it, just in case there's anything you'd like to add."

Casey nodded and took the paper from her daughter. When she finished reading it, tears were streaming down her face. "He's so proud of you, honey. I know he is, because I am, and there's no way he couldn't be." Erika hugged her mother, while both of them cried over a man who had been gone for 18 years, but was still missed.

------------

Derek looked down at the two of them on the couch, crying, and he thought about them. He wouldn't have left them if he had been given the choice. He would have gladly come out of that accident and lived his life as a paraplegic, or even a quadriplegic, just to stay with that amazing, caring woman, and to watch his daughter win awards, then say, "Yep, that's my daughter, and I couldn't be prouder."

* * *

A/N-See, sad. But kinda happy too, I mean, he is proud of her, so...I dunno where I was going with that. Review! 


	11. New Girl

A/N-Yet another one! I'm such a procrastinator. Okay, so, Zuzzeroo, you requested a fic in which, 5 years down the road, Casey and Derek are married and have a kid. I know that this story isn't what you were hoping for, and you're probably going to hate me for it, and I apologize. BTW, I've been trying to pm you, have you not been getting them? For everyone else, this isn't a happy story. I don't know why I write such depressing stories, but I do. Oh, and I'll have some stupid cliches, I put a reference to Sarah Dessen in here. 50 points if you can find it!

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**New girl**

Derek sighed in annoyance at the alarm clock buzzing beside his head. He reached over and shut it off, then shook Casey. "Come on, time to get up." She groaned and rolled over, trying to ignore him. She had gotten much more selfish in her sleep these past couple of years. "You need to get up. Tara will undoubtedly be in here in a couple of minutes. Do you want first shower or second shower?" She waved him off, and he took that to mean that he could get in.

As he walked to the bathroom, he peeked in another door. He could see their four-year-old daughter, Tara, laying in bed. She was the only source of joy in this house. He sighed, and when he saw her stirring he rushed into the bathroom before she could delay him.

Tara climbed out of her bed and went to climb into her parents'. "Mommy, warm me up," the little girl whined, curling her small body next to Casey's. She complied, wrapping her arms around her, glad to be able to sleep a little more.

Derek finished his shower, then walked back into his bedroom. "Okay, you two, time to get up for real." Tara and Casey both tried ignoring him, but he was persistent.

"Fine, fine," Casey mumbled, pulling Tara up with her as she sat. "Do you want Daddy to dress you so that Mommy can go shower?" The little girl nodded drowsily. Both parents knew that she wasn't really aware of what she was agreeing to.

Derek dressed Tara while Casey showered, all three members of the small family not looking forward to the day ahead. Casey and Derek would have to head off to work soon, waiting tables at Denny's and working construction, respectively, which meant that Tara would go to daycare for the morning, then preschool in the afternoon, then back to daycare for a couple more hours until Casey picked her up.

------------

Casey sighed in annoyance at the lack of tables. It was a Tuesday, which generally meant it would be slow, but to make matters worse it was a Tuesday in January, which meant it would be dead. Everyone was still broke from Christmas, and it was too cold to venture out if one was planning on being stingy. As she filled ketchups, she thought about quitting. She wished she could, but knew that it wasn't possible. No where decent would hire her with only a diploma, and she didn't have the time to go to college. _It wasn't supposed to be like this_, she thought despairingly.

------------

**About five years ago…**

Casey paced back and forth in the living room, desperate for Derek to come home. They were seniors, and Derek was captain of the hockey team. She knew that was why he was late coming home from practice; he had probably stayed to talk strategy with the coach. Still, she was getting rather antsy. Even though their parents had approved of their relationship, she would rather have the impending conversation before they got home. Finally, she heard Derek pull up. She rushed him as soon as he walked in the door.

"We need to talk, now," she said as she dragged him up the stairs.

"How about a shower first?" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"No," she replied, leaving no room for argument. She led him to his room and shut the door. She also turned the music on, hoping to drown out the noise of their conversation, just in case Lizzie and/or Edwin were listening at the door.

"So, what's up hot stuff?" Derek questioned. He watched Casey pace around his room, much like she had in the living room. Derek wrapped his arms around her legs as she passed, and tried to lighten the situation. "Working out at a time like this?"

"Joking at a time like this? You're so irresponsible." She pushed his arms off her and resumed her pacing.

"Okay," he said, sounding a little offended. "It's kinda hard to know not to joke when you won't even tell me what's going on."

She said nothing and just shoved a small plastic stick in his direction.

"What's this?" he asked, sounding slightly scared. "It's not what I think it is, is it?"

She looked at him. He sighed. "You wouldn't be showing me this if it was negative, would you?" She shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes. "Shit," he mumbled. "I thought we were okay. You said you were on the pill."

"I was," the tears started to fall from her eyes. "It's not 100 effective. I guess we're the lucky oddball chance."

He pulled her down to sit on the bed next to him, and wrapped an arm comfortingly around her. She leaned her head on his shoulder. "It'll work out, okay? I promise, we'll figure it out. I'm assuming you want to keep it, right?"

"You don't want to?" she asked him, sounding slightly angry.

"I didn't say that. It'll be hard."

"I know. But we'll figure it out, right?"

"Right," he confirmed. He kissed her on the forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too."

------

Telling George and Nora was the hardest. George had almost kicked them out, and Nora had cried more than Casey. She managed to talk George into letting them stay through the rest of the school year, seeing as how it was their senior year.

Derek and Casey got married in March. It was a small ceremony, family, Emily, and Sam only. They went down to the courthouse and had the justice of the peace perform the ceremony. There was no reception.

They graduated in early June without incident. They had been quite the scandal at school for a while, but everyone got over it when Elizabeth Gunderson's tongue-pierced boyfriend fooled around with her best friend Maggie. Tara Leigh Venturi was born on August 5th, 2009. Derek and Casey couldn't have been happier.

------

Casey sighed. She had tried many times to figure out where things had gone wrong, never able to figure it out exactly. Things were wonderful at first. They had moved out right after graduation. Derek got his job with the construction company right away and Casey began waiting tables six weeks after Tara was born. They didn't have money, and Casey never cared. She was just happy to be with the man she loved and their beautiful daughter.

Before too long, though, their lack of money began to be a problem. If they could've found a cheaper babysitter that they could trust, then things might have been a little different. As it was, Derek began to work the night shift at Wal-Mart to make up for the difference. He was always so tired. He got roughly four hours of sleep a night, and Casey could tell that he was wearing down. He rarely looked at her anymore, let alone talked to her.

After a while, Derek got a promotion, and a friend of theirs opened up a babysitting company, thus easing the money strain. Still, though, things weren't the same. He didn't joke around as much as he used to. He was so much more serious. The one exception was when he played with Tara. When the two of them played, she could see some of the old Derek peeking through. It made her sad, and slightly jealous, that Tara brought that out in him and she couldn't anymore.

As time progressed, they fought more and more. It was always after Tara had gone to sleep, and in hushed voices to avoid waking her up. They didn't seem to get anywhere. Each fight ended with them climbing angrily into bed and not talking to each other until they had to, when Tara was around.

That was when Casey began to sleep more. When she was asleep, she could relive the happy moments with Derek. In her dreams, they were happy. She knew he didn't love her anymore. He probably would've left her, if it wasn't for Tara. Tara was the new girl in his heart.

------------

Derek watched the crew work. Since he was the foreman, he had to work out the payroll, and it was getting to be that time of the week. His thoughts drifted to Casey, as they tended to do.

He felt bad for her. He knew she deserved better. He knew that she knew what went on in his mind. He also had a feeling that she knew he was cheating on her. She had to know, they hadn't _been together_ in over two years. It had been even longer since he had loved her.

He did love her when he found out she was pregnant. He loved her when they got married. He loved her when Tara was born. He loved her when they were living in poverty. He stopped loving her when he realized he didn't deserve her and she should move on. He was hoping that when she realized he didn't love her, she would leave him and find someone worth her attentions. She could be so stubborn though, and refused to leave.

He felt inadequate. He couldn't properly provide for his family. He had to work two jobs, and Casey had to work, just to keep them afloat. If he was a better man, they could've afforded a better apartment. If he was a better man, they could've afforded real toys for Tara, rather than ones handed down from Marti. If he was a better man, he would've deserved Casey. But he wasn't a better man.

He forced himself to stop loving her. He stopped talking to her. He stopped looking at her. The only thing he did was pick fights and keep them afloat. He knew Casey could sense the change, and he felt bad. To make himself feel better, he spent all his spare time playing with Tara. He loved that little girl more than life itself. He loved her because she was the best parts of both his and Casey's personalities. Tara was the new girl in his heart.

------------

Casey, Derek, and Tara sat down to dinner. It was Derek's night to cook, so of course a pizza had been delivered. Tara chatted on and on about her day, Casey and Derek both talking to her and avoiding talking to each other. At one point, she asked when she was going to get a little brother or sister. Derek and Casey looked at each other nervously and avoided the question.

After dinner, Casey gave her a bath and Derek tucked her into bed. He walked back into the living room to find Casey on the couch, staring at the TV, which was off.

"Are you going to turn that on?" he asked sounding slightly annoyed. She handed him the remote wordlessly. He scoffed. "Whatever." He flicked the TV on, not really caring what was on. After a couple of hours, they both moved to go to bed. Wordlessly, they brushed their teeth and climbed into bed. They settled in, resting up for the next day. Another day of working, ignoring each other, and loving their daughter. They fell into dreams, good dreams, about how happy their lives used to be.

* * *

A/N-Okay, so most of you probably hate me now for making everybody so unhappy. Go ahead and yell at me, I understand. 


	12. You Jump, I Jump

A/N-This one's for SpuffyShipper, who requested a couple of different fics. I'm not sure if I honestly like this one. It's not my best one, but I don't think it's my worst one either. Eh, whatever. I'll let you decide.

Oh, and just so you know, _Italics are flashbacks_, **Bolds are flashbacks within a flashback**. I didn't know how else to do it without it seeming very confusing.

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringment intended.

* * *

**"You jump, I jump"**

Casey was packing. And crying. Really, really crying. Like a faucet was turned on somewhere behind her eyes and she couldn't figure out how to turn it off. She wasn't packing her things, she was packing Derek's.

He had already moved out. The divorce papers were on their way. He had left, screaming at her, calling her names, all of which she probably deserved. He could've taken the house, he paid for it after all, but she knew why he didn't want it. It was the same reason she didn't really want it. It held too many memories.

She sighed, looking around the room. She was in Derek's office, which was really just the room where he kept his computer and trophies. She thought about all the good times in this room. They had made love on pretty much every surface in here. Casey remembered how exasperated he would seem at first.

_Casey walked into the room, finding Derek on the computer. She sat down on his lap, straddling him. She leaned in and placed a sweet, chaste kiss on his lips._

"_What are you doing Case? I need to get this finished." He tried to nudge her off his lap._

_She twisted around and turned the monitor off. "Ta-da! All done," she giggled, leaning in to kiss him again._

"_Casey, I really need to finish this, or else the boss is going to fire my ass." He turned the monitor back on._

_Casey wiggled around on top of him, producing the effect she hoped for. He groaned slightly, and she leaned in and began to suck on his neck._

"_Damn it, woman, you're going to lead us into financial ruin," he said jokingly as he turned off the computer and responded to her._

Casey sat down on the floor. She couldn't do it anymore. She wanted him to come back. She knew that what she did was wrong, but she couldn't help it. Sometimes she felt like she didn't deserve Derek. He would always protest, and tell her that he loved her so much, and she was his better half, but she didn't really believe it.

_Casey walked around the party in a drunken haze. She watched Derek mingling with all the important people, still with his first drink in hand. He was smart enough to stay sober for this event. Casey wasn't. She just wanted to lose herself._

_She heard a couple of other women talking. "Oh, god, why does he stay with her?" the first woman asked._

"_I have no idea. You know, I'll bet he feels sorry for her. I mean, I heard that they were step siblings. Can you imagine? He could have any woman he wants, and he goes for his step-sister," the second woman replied._

"_Yeah, well, I heard that she tricked him into marrying her by saying she was pregnant. There's no baby, though, is there? He should've left her years ago, but he's probably too worried that she'll kill herself. I heard she tried it once already," a third woman added._

_Casey walked away. She didn't want to hear anymore. These stupid women, they didn't know anything about her and Derek. She thought back to the events they were talking about._

**They had lost that baby, and it almost destroyed them. Casey did try to kill herself, after the miscarriage and the doctor telling them that she would never be able to have children. Derek told her it was fine, he still loved her, it wasn't a big deal, but she saw the look in his eyes. He wanted children, and Casey felt like less of a wife for not being able to provide them. She tried to kill herself, thinking that if she was dead, then he could move on to another woman, one that could give him the children he wanted.**

**Derek had found her laying in bed. He tried to wake her up, thinking she was just resting, until he kicked the pill bottle. She had been prescribed sleeping pills, because she couldn't sleep since the miscarriage. He swore loudly, then picked her up and drove her to the hospital. He paced back and forth in the waiting room, hoping that she was alright.**

**Finally, the doctor came out. "Mr. Venturi, your wife is fine. You got her here just in time. She's in resting now, if you'd like to see her. We can discuss her mental state later, if you would like."**

**Derek ran off to Casey's room, not saying a word to the doctor. "Oh, god, Casey, why would you do this?"**

**She looked at him blankly. "You deserve a baby. I can't give you one. I know you don't want to adopt, because it's not really yours. If I was dead, you could remarry, find someone who can give you a child."**

**Derek began to cry. "Casey, I love you. If you died, then I would die. I can't make it without you, you keep me sane. You jump, I jump, remember?"**

**Casey smiled weakly. _Titanic_ was one of their favorite movies, even though Derek would never admit it to anyone but her. "So, you don't hate me?"**

"**Never, Casey, never." He pulled her into a hug, or at least the closest thing he could manage to a hug, with all the wires and the IV in the way.**

_So, he didn't love her. These women knew the truth. Why had it taken Casey so long to see it? She knew that he would never leave her, he was probably afraid she would try it again. She needed to do something to make him admit he hated her. She looked around the room, finally spotting Mike, the only single guy at the party. She sauntered over to him, and began to flirt. She would make Derek see that she didn't deserve him._

Casey shook her head, trying to focus on the present. That night had been hell. She didn't want to be with Mike, but she had to make Derek see. He had seen alright. He came home to find the two of them in his and Casey's bed. He had screamed, throwing things around. Mike had scurried out of the room quickly, afraid that Derek was going to kill him. Casey found herself sinking back into the past again.

"_Why Casey? Why the hell would you do something this stupid? I love you! God damn it, do you not love me? Why couldn't you have just told me? I didn't need to find out this way." He was crying._

"_I love you Derek, but I don't deserve you. Just leave," she said hollowly, looking at the floor rather than at him._

"_Damn it, Casey, we've been over this. I love you, it has nothing to do with who is a better person." She didn't say anything, just continued staring at the floor. "Fine, if that's the way you want it, I'll go." And he left._

She sighed and began packing again. She had to pack Derek's things, because she knew he wasn't going to come back to do it himself. As she was going through his desk drawers, she found a photo album. She opened it, and found that it was full of pictures of her. Some had Derek in them too, some had their siblings, but Casey was in every picture. It was a very worn looking album. It looked like it had been looked through many times. "I'm a moron," she whispered to herself. "Maybe I can still fix this." She took the album and grabbed her keys, hoping that Derek was still at Sam's house.

------------

Derek sat on Sam's couch. He hadn't moved in the past week. He had come over, needing a place to stay, and hadn't left the couch except to call a lawyer.

Sam was worried. He knew that Derek still loved her, and he was only here because he thought that was what Casey wanted. Sam knew that Derek would jump off a cliff if Casey asked him. He also knew that Casey was being stupid, and he needed a way to get Derek back over to their house. If Casey saw Derek again, maybe things could be fixed.

He put _Titanic_ in, hoping to shock Derek out of his catatonia. He knew that it was their movie, even though Derek didn't know that he knew.

Derek shook his head. "Uh-uh, Sam, any movie but this one. I can't take a love story right now."

"No, Derek, a love story is exactly what you need right now. Just because yours had a slip doesn't mean it's over."

Sam's boyfriend Robert came out of the kitchen. "Come on, baby, just go over and sweep her off her feet."

"She doesn't want to be swept. She hates me."

"No she doesn't, you moron. She's confused. You're more successful than her. All through high school and college, she thought she would be the more successful one. You've thrown her through a loop. She still loves you, she just thinks that she's worthless now," Sam explained to him.

"Since when do you understand women so well, Sammy?" Derek asked him, eyebrow raised.

"Since I decided I didn't want them anymore. Gay men understand women much better than straight men."

"Write a book then, help us out."

Just then, there was a knock at the door. "Who is that?" Derek asked grumpily. He didn't want to see anyone.

"I don't know, I'm not psychic and I haven't answered it yet."

"Smart ass." Derek said.

Sam opened the door to find Casey standing there, not crying anymore, but still tear-stained, holding a photo album in her hands. "Thank god," he whispered to her. "Please, take him back. He's dying here." She smiled wanly at him. "Robert, come on, we need to go to the store."

"For what?" he asked, walking up. He saw Casey standing there. "Oh, right. We need, uh, things. Bye Derek!" Sam and Robert rushed out the door, pushing Casey inside before shutting it.

"Hi," she said, standing in the door awkwardly.

"Hi," he responded, not looking up from the TV.

She stood where she was for a minute longer, feeling more and more uncomfortable. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. "Derek, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I've always been wrong. I deserve you because you love me. Nothing else matters. You were right though, you've always been right. I need you. Please, Derek, just look at me!"

He turned to face her. His eyes shone with unspilled tears. "I don't know what to say here, Casey."

"Say you'll come home. Say that you still love me. Say that I'm dumb for trying to push you away. Say that if I jump, you'll jump with me."

The tears in his eyes finally spilt. He didn't say anything at first, just pulled her into a hug. She began to cry again, this time in relief. "Anything, Casey, I'll say anything. Just promise that you'll never do that to me again."

"I promise."

"What is this?" he asked, pulling away from her.

"I was packing up your things, and I found it in a desk drawer. It's what made me see how stupid I've been."

He recognized it as soon as he got a good look at it. "I've been putting that together ever since high school."

"Really?" she asked, love in her eyes.

"Really," he said, kissing her. "Now, let's go home. The gayness around here is starting to creep me out," he gestured at the doilies on the end tables and the pink throw blanket on the back of the couch.

Casey laughed. "Home. It sounds wonderful to hear you say that."

* * *

A/N-So, I threw Sam being gay in for all the people who don't like him. I don't really see him as gay, but I just don't have the heart to kill him off either, so hopefully that makes you happy. And hey, I wrote a story with a happy ending! Maybe I'm out of my depressing funk! Reviewers get a free pink throw blanket! 


	13. Sneezing

A/N-First off, thank you all for the wonderful reviews! Over 100, whoo-hoo! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside...Anyways, this is another one for Spuffyshipper, and it's happy, for all of you who were bummed out with my sad ones. For those of you who liked them, they'll probably be back before too long.

Also, I feel obligated to explain myself. In the last oneshot, I made Sam gay, and I wrote something in my notes about it hopefully making some of the people who wanted Sam dead happy. A reviewer took it the wrong way, and I would like to apologize. I wasn't implying that being gay is anything like being dead. What I meant was that people don't like Sam because he's a possible love interest for Casey, and they want Derek to be with Casey, so they kill him to eliminate the possibiliy of them getting together. I like Sam's character, so I didn't want to do that. Making him gay was similar to killing him off in the sense that it eliminated the possibility of Sam and Casey getting together. I'm sorry if anyone else thought that I was comparing being gay to being dead, that really wasn't what I was trying to do. Again, I apologize for offending anyone.

On with the story...

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, or Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein, and no copyright infringment was intended.

* * *

**Sneezing**

Marti sneezed, then said, "Smerek, please read to me!"

Derek sighed. Somehow, him and Casey had gotten sucked into watching Marti while she was sick. His dad and Nora had gone to spend the day with Fiona and Harry (they were both thrilled about that) and Lizzie and Edwin had gone off to their friends houses, not wanting to catch the germs.

George and Nora had tried to stay home that morning, not particularly wanting to go hiking (what was it with Harry and hiking?), but Marti said that she didn't want to ruin their day. So, hiking they had gone, and somehow both Derek and Casey had gotten sucked into watching Marti.

"What do you want me to read now, Smarti? We've read pretty much all the books in here."

"Then read me one of your books. Please Smerek?" She coughed a little, then sneezed again.

He couldn't say no. She looked so sad laying there in bed. Why she didn't just want to watch cartoons was beyond him. He made one last attempt. "Casey's a better reader than I am, do you want me to get her to read to you?"

"No, because she's also a better cook than you, and she's making my soup."

Derek gave in, knowing that he was beaten. He went to his room and scanned the titles of the few books he actually had. _What do you read to a sick 6-year-old? More specifically, what do you read to a sick 6-year-old out of the sparse library of a 16-year-old sports nut?_ He glanced through the titles, then spotted Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. _Why isn't this in Marti's room? It's my book, but she'd read it more._ He grabbed it and walked back into her room.

Casey was back too. She was watching Marti eat her soup, trying to make sure that she didn't spill any. Derek was surprised to see that she had even let Marti eat in her room, Casey being the neat freak that she is.

"How about this, Smarti? Some silly poems sound good?" She nodded drowsily. He figured she'd be crashing pretty soon. She'd been awake since five or so that morning, and there was no way she'd go all day.

She put the bowl on her night table, and snuggled down into her bed to listen to Derek read.

"That's your book Derek? Not able to read anything harder?" Casey asked with a slight smile.

"No need to _read_ harder things when-"

"No fighting today." Derek had been about to make an inappropriate comment about hard things, when Marti cut him off. "You're taking care of me, so you have to get along. Now read."

Derek glared at Casey and obliged.

"Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too

Went for a ride in a flying shoe.

'Hooray!'

'What fun!'

'It's time we flew!'

Said Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too."

Derek finished "Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too," then made it halfway through "The Bagpipe Who Didn't Say No" before he Marti drifted off to sleep. He motioned to Casey, who grabbed the bowl and followed him down into the kitchen.

"Poor kid," Casey said sympathetically. "Being sick sucks, especially on a Saturday."

Derek scoffed. "Yeah, right, poor Marti. She's got you and me running around doing whatever she wants, waiting on her hand and foot."

"Yeah, because you don't do this sort of thing for her on a regular basis anyways."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Derek had suddenly become very interested in his hands.

"Please. You are so sweet to that girl, it's sickening. Why can't you treat everyone else half as good as you treat Marti?"

"I'm nice. Come on, name one honestly mean thing I've done to you." She opened her mouth. "And not fixed afterwards," he quickly added, remembering, as he was sure she was, "Grubby," "Klutzilla," and trying to keep her and Sam apart.

Casey closed her mouth, stumped for a moment.

"Can't think of anything, can ya?" He smirked.

"When Kendra tried to find me a boyfriend and you told her I like freaks," she said triumphantly.

He looked at her for a moment. "Well, I mean, besides that time. That wasn't really mean."

"What do you mean? If it wasn't mean, then what was it? I thought it was really mean."

"Why?"

"Why? Because you purposely sabotaged my dates, just like you tried to prevent Sam and I getting together, then you didn't like Scott for no reason," Derek opened his mouth to retort. "At first," she quickly amended, "because I will admit there was reason not to like him, but you disliked him before that. And then you made me look stupid in front of Max with all of your fake football terms. That's mean."

He stepped closer to her. "Are you starting to see a bit of a pattern here Case? Do you really think I'm just being mean?"

She began to feel flustered, and tried to take a step back, unfortunately tripping over a pair of Edwin's shoes that he had left lying in the kitchen. She began to fall, but Derek quickly caught her. Instinctively, she grabbed the arms that had her around the waist. Derek smirked, thinking that this was a perfect position for her to be in.

He leaned in and kissed her gently. He pulled back when he heard a giggle. "So, are you two finally together? Cause I'm sick of pretending to be sick."

Casey pulled out of Derek's arms and stood up straight. "Marti, did you fake sick?" She nodded. "Marti, I had a date today."

She giggled again. "I know, but now you can go out with Smerek instead. I'm going outside to play!" And with that she skipped out the back door, smiling to herself.

"We really should've known better. I mean, we've all heard her fake cough, it's pretty realistic." Derek said, looking over at Casey sheepishly.

"Yeah, but I've never heard of a person being able to fake sneeze, and I know I heard her sneeze today, more than once."

"She's a Venturi, don't ever doubt her ability to do anything. Besides, I can't really be too mad at her, can you?" He slid his arms around her waist again.

"No, I suppose not," she replied as she leaned in to kiss him.

Marti popped her head back inside. "Hey, knock it off, there are little kids here! I got you together, so now you have to play with me!"

"Oh, really?" Derek let out a growl and chased her back outside. Marti let out an excited squeal and ran, and Casey followed the two, shaking her head.

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A/N-Review, and the next time you're sick I'll bring you soup!


	14. Scream

A/N-Whoo-hoo! This is the longest oneshot thus far in the challenge! does happy dance This one's for SpuffyShipper again. Thanks for the suggestions, they really do help! Also, for those of you who haven't stumbled across it yet, I did decide to expand "New Girl" into a multi-chapter fic. It's going to go over everything, from the beginning of the pregnancy to further than the end of the oneshot. Go ahead and take a look if you want. If you're content with the oneshot, then that's cool too. Anyways, enjoy!

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringment intended.

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Scream

Casey screamed again. Derek swore he was starting to go deaf. Lizzie and Edwin weren't helping the situation.

Finally, their screams died down. Casey smiled at him and rubbed her hand over her huge stomach.

"Those kids ever coming out?" Derek asked jokingly. He was getting rather antsy. Casey could see it in his eyes. He wanted the twins to just hurry up and get here.

He was probably worried about complications too. At thirty-seven, they weren't exactly in their prime child-bearing years. Add into the equation the miscarriage that happened after they got married ten years ago, and this could be very dangerous.

Their doctor, Dr. Bob as he had encouraged them to call him, had actually warned them against having the baby. Or babies, as they now knew that there were two little Venturis inside that huge stomach. Dr. Bob had told them that with all the damage done by the first miscarriage, it was very unlikely that Casey would carry to term, and that even if she did it would be very dangerous. Casey and Derek were adamant about keeping the child, though. They didn't think they would even be able to conceive again, so there was no way they were giving up that easily.

Which lead to why there were several family members sitting in their living room, screaming with Casey. She had called shortly after the first one. Dr. Bob told her to call him again when the second one came, which ended up not being for another hour and a half. Dr. Bob told them that they should just wait at home until the contractions were closer together. Derek and Casey had called George and Nora to let them know what was going on, who had in turn called all the rest of their children.

Lizzie was currently sitting next to Casey on the couch, holding her hand; her husband Darryl sat on her other side, while their son Jimmy ran around the living room. Edwin sat on the loveseat with his wife Laura and their daughter Whittni. Marti was sitting in Derek's chair, watching her favorite brother pace around the living room.

Edwin had a stopwatch in his hand. He said that they were going through training. He told Derek that he should be the one holding Casey's hand, because he wasn't going to be ready when the time actually came. He tried to tell him that women got superpower-like strength when they were in labor, but he didn't listen.

"Okay, it's been five minutes," Edwin announced. Everyone, with the exception of Derek, screamed again.

Derek shook his head. "You guys are crazy. You can't train for screaming."

"We're not training for screaming, we're preparing you to be ready for the screams," Edwin replied, a smile on his face. He was enjoying the fact that he knew more about this than his older brother.

George and Nora walked in from the kitchen, carrying drinks and food. "Now, I know Casey's probably not going to want any of this, which is why we brought you some ice cubes, but everyone else is hungry."

Casey gave a small smile and accepted the cup of ice. As she was leaning back, a frown passed over her face and she gave out a low, guttural moan. Derek quickly moved towards her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concern clearly playing across his face.

She glared at him. "No, I'm not fine. For the past eight hours, my uterus has been contracting at random times. It hurts like hell. And every time it happens, you are right in my face, bugging me about it, when if you could just control yourself, then we wouldn't be in this situation."

Derek quickly backed away, biting back his comment about "two to tango" and deciding that now wasn't the best time to push her buttons. He instead went behind her and began to rub her shoulders comfortingly. "It's almost over, and besides, it can't be all that bad, can it?"

Nora, Lizzie, Laura, and Casey all turned and glared at him. He chuckled nervously. "No uterus, no opinion. You can't even begin to imagine how bad it hurts," Casey spat at him, wiggling out from underneath his hands.

Edwin looked at his watch again. "It's time, if anyone still wants to scream." Everyone looked at Casey.

"It's okay, you don't have to." They all looked relieved, but didn't say anything. Their throats were getting a little raw.

------------

Finally, it was time to go to the hospital. Derek drove up to the entrance, leaving his car in the no-parking, unloading only zone. Edwin pointed this out to him, and just got the keys thrown at him.

"Hi, we already called Dr. Bob, he said he would tell you we were on our way," Derek said in one breath.

"Ah, yes, Mr. and Mrs. Venturi, right? Follow me," the nurse directed, sitting Casey in a wheelchair and pushing them down the hall.

They were put in a room, told that Dr. Bob would be there soon, and left alone. Casey had a death grip on Derek's hand, like she was afraid that he would leave her alone. Derek thought fleetingly about Edwin's comment, but then forgot about it when Casey began to moan again.

He used his free hand to smooth her hair back from her forehead, planting a kiss on it. "Just squeeze my hand, okay? We'll get through this."

She looked at him, and he saw how scared she looked. Seeing her look so scared made him freak out even more. She was supposed to be the calm one, the one who took control. If she was scared, what hope was there for him?

Dr. Bob walked in then. "Hello, Venturis, ready to deliver a couple of babies?" he asked jovially.

"No," Casey said. "I've changed my mind, I'm not ready for this. How do we keep them in longer?" Derek could hear her fear, and he knew he had to get out of there quickly.

"I'm going to go tell George and Nora that everything's fine," he said, letting go of Casey and backing towards the door.

"No!" she yelled, tears in her eyes. "Please don't leave me, I'm scared, I'm-" she stopped and let out another low groan. It was the most primitive sound Derek had ever heard, and he ran out of the room quickly. He stood by the door, resting his forehead on the cool wall. Dr. Bob appeared next to him. He put a hand on Derek's shoulder.

"I know you're scared, but right now so is she. It doesn't matter that you're scared too, as long as you're in there with her it will make her feel better."

Derek slowly nodded his head and walked back into the room. He could see Casey falling apart. She had an almost animal look on her face.

"Please don't leave me here," she whispered once he got back to her.

"I won't," he said as he took her hand again. "I promise."

------------

"Okay, Casey, you're doing good. Just keep breathing, you'll be alright. Couple more pushes and we'll have one baby out. Are you ready? Okay, one, two, three, and push!"

Casey screamed again, squeezing Derek's hand. He could feel the bones grinding together. He didn't know how much longer his bones could hold up to the pressure.

"Crowning. Come on Casey, good girl, two more pushes and we're halfway done, okay? One, two, three, push!"

Casey screamed, her face bright red. This time, Derek screamed with her. His hand seriously felt like it was being broken. The hand that was still intact kept brushing the hair out of her face and wiping the tears off.

"Good girl, Casey, one more, okay? One, two, three, push!"

Casey gave a final scream, then their first child was out. They heard a cry. "One beautiful little boy. Does dad want to gut the cord?" Dr. Bob handed Derek the scissors, and he cut in between the two clamps, feeling very dazed.

Dr. Bob handed the baby off to a nurse to be cleaned up, then directed his attention back to Casey. "One down, one more to go. You ready? One, two, three, push!"

Casey tried to scream again, but she was too out of breath. All that came out was a wispy little shout. Derek made up for her, though, and screamed.

"Good girl, Casey, keep it up. The second one's coming much quicker. One, two, three, push!"

Casey had stopped making any noise at all, except for the sound of her heavy breathing. She was purely focusing on bringing her last child into the world. Derek tried to focus on the miracle that was happening, but he was having a hard time seeing through the haze of pain he was in from his hand, which Casey was still squeezing. He thought that maybe the bones had turned to powder.

"Come on Casey, three more good pushes and we're done. One, two, three, push!"

More heavy breathing and a quiet grunt. She didn't know if she'd be able to make it. She was just so tired from the whole day. Derek standing next to her was the only thing keeping her awake.

"Two more! One, two, three, push!"

Casey squeezed Derek's hand harder still. He was shocked at her strength. He hadn't thought she had it in her.

"One more and we're done! One, two, three, push!"

Casey pushed for the last time, letting out one last scream as her child came out.

"Congratulations, your son now has a sister! Cord?" Derek cut the second cord, barely aware of what he was doing. Dr. Bob passed the girl off to another nurse, while the first nurse brought their son back and handed him to Casey.

"He's perfect," she whispered, looking down at him. She finally let go of Derek's hand. He tried to wiggle his fingers, and found that it hurt too much.

The second nurse brought their daughter over to them. Derek held her in one arm, not trusting the hand that had been holding Casey's. "They both are." He leaned down and kissed Casey. "Just like their mother."

He handed the baby off to a nurse, who put her in a basket next to the bed. "I'm going to go let the family know that everything's good, alright?"

Casey nodded her head, not even looking at him. She was too focused on her kids. She had her son in her arms, and she reached into the basket next to her to touch her daughter.

Derek walked out and told everyone the good news. They all cheered and hugged him, then ran back to Casey's room. Edwin stayed behind for a moment though.

"Are you okay? You seem a little shaken up," he asked.

"I'm fine. But my hand hurts."

"I told you so."

"No, I mean my hand really, really hurts."

Edwin looked at his brother's hand. "Yeah, um, that doesn't look so good. Come on, lets go talk to a nurse."

They walked over to a nurses station. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"Yeah, um, my wife just gave birth, and she's got quite the grip. Could you maybe take a look at my hand?"

The nurse sighed and held his own hand out. _He's pretty uppity for a guy that's got a girl's job._ Derek thought to himself as he surrendered his hand. The nurse's eyes widened, then he chuckled. "Yeah, um, that looks like a break. Come on, let's get you x-rayed and into a cast."

Edwin started to laugh. "I'll be fine, he says. Casey's not that strong, he says. You're making stuff up, he says. Have fun with that cast, I'm going to go see your kids."

"Hey, don't tell Casey, alright? I want to."

"Whatever," he said as he walked towards Casey's room.

------------

About an hour later, Derek finally rejoined his family. He kept his hand hidden behind his back.

"About time," Casey said, obviously irritated. "I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have to raise these kids on my own."

Derek just smiled at her. "Oh, no, I just had to have a little doctor's visit of my own. Any idea why?"

She shook her head. She was still pretty mad, and she thought he was making stuff up.

"Well, Casey, you have quite the grip, as I'm sure you figured out from my screams. I don't think you realize just how strong though." He brought his hand out from behind his back with a flourish. Everyone gasped at the cast, except for Edwin, who just chuckled again. "Oh, yes, Casey, you managed to break my hand."

"Oh, Derek, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I just-"

"No, no, it's alright. I figured we'd call it even."

"What's even about it?' she asked, eyeing him warily.

"You said that I don't understand how much contractions hurt, and you took the pain out on me. We're even now, because I get that they hurt, and you can't make fun of me for it."

She looked at him. "Okay, fine. Even." She pulled him down for a kiss.

* * *

A/N-I'm a little unsatified with the ending, but I didn't know how else to end it. Let me know what you think! Reviewers get to sign Derek's cast! 


	15. Would you rather

A/N-I think that's the longest it's taken me to upload a new oneshot. Sorry about that. School's been a little overwhelming lately. And I've been working quite a bit on "New Girl." I should have another chapter up either today or tomorrow. I have two betas for that story, just because I'm unsure of how well it flows, and one of them hasn't gotten back to me yet. So, anyways, back to the current story, as always: enjoy the oneshot!

Oooh, and I just remembered, this is number 15, putting me halfway through the challenge! Whoo-hoo/does happy dance/ Feel free to dance with me!

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**Would you rather...**

Derek and Sam were sitting at Sam's house. It was a Saturday night, and normally Derek would be out with a girl, and Sam would be hanging out with Casey, whom he had recently gotten back together with for the fifth time, but they had decided a guy's night was needed. Unfortunately, the rest of the guys they knew weren't into the idea, so it was just Sam and Derek. They were playing Babe Raider and would you rather at the same time.

"Okay," Derek said, eyes not moving from the TV screen. "Would you rather go to school naked for a day, or to church?"

"Oh, man, that's a hard one. Both would suck. Do I have to choose?" Sam was just as focused on the video game as Derek.

"Yeah, you have to choose. That's the point of the game."

"Ugh, alright. Um, probably school. There's just something not right about being in a church naked."

"Yeah, I agree. Although, I heard Tommy Lee had sex right behind a church once, and he's still fine, so I can't imagine God getting too pissed at you."

"Well, I have a little more shame than Tommy Lee, or at least I'd like to think that I do."

"I don't know, is there some sort of tape about you and Casey going around that I need to know about?"

"Nope, not that I know of. Why? Would you watch it? I bet you would, you sick freak." Derek flushed for a second, then made his face impassive. Sam was trying to get Derek riled up. He knew that Derek liked Casey. That was why they had gotten back together. Casey knew it too, and was hoping to make Derek uncomfortable enough to finally admit his feelings.

"Um, no, that's gross. She's my step-sister."

"Yeah, key word there being step. As in, no relation. You've known her as long as I have."

"Still something wrong about it. I'm hungry. What's there to eat around here?" Derek was avoiding the topic.

"We still have some potato chips, or I could make up some nachos if you want."

"Ooh, yeah, nachos sound good."

"Okay." Sam disappeared into the kitchen. "Okay, I've got one," he called back. He had to phrase this carefully, or else Derek would get pissed and leave instead of admitting his thoughts. "Would you rather listen to nothing but Michael Bolton for a week straight, or take Casey out on a date?"

Derek thought for a moment. _Sam doesn't know, does he?_ Out loud, he said, "Casey's your girlfriend, you take her out."

"You didn't answer the question."

"Yeah, I did. I don't want to take Casey out. It's against the male code rules to take out a friend's girlfriend," Derek replied, looking hard at Sam when he mentioned the male code.

Sam looked down for a moment, feeling guilty. He knew why Derek had brought up the male code. Sam wasn't supposed to date Casey because Derek liked her, not because she was his stepsister. "Yeah, well, since the male code has already been broken in a Casey situation once, I figured it could be overlooked for the sake of the game."

"Hmm," Derek said, turning back around to face the TV.

"Well, which one?" Sam pressed after a minute or two of silence.

"Which one what?" Derek asked, playing dumb. He was so good at it.

Sam sighed. Why was he being so difficult about this? "Michael Bolton or Casey?"

"Uh, Casey, I guess. One date with Casey would be less painful than a whole week of Bolton." _And I would actually enjoy taking Casey out._

Sam nodded his head, carrying the nachos into the living room.

Derek decided that he needed to find out how much Sam knew. He wasn't sure how to phrase the question, though, without giving out too much information. "Okay, my turn. Would you rather stay with Casey forever, even though it's not perfect between you two, or see her go off with one of your best friends?"

Sam looked over at Derek. _Maybe he's finally going to admit something._ "I'd rather have whatever makes Casey happy."

"Uh-uh, that's the easy way out. You have to answer the question." Derek was freaking out. He hoped Sam would be okay with him trying to take Casey away. If Casey even wanted him. Maybe this question was a bad idea. He was getting way ahead of himself.

"Okay, I'd rather see her with my best friend. She has more chemistry with him than she does with me anyways. She'd be happier with him than she is with me." He looked at Derek pointedly.

_Shit, shit, SHIT! He knows! He's going to kill me!_ Derek thought to himself. _No, calm down, it might not be that bad. You don't know for sure what he knows. Try another __question;__ try to get a feel of the situation._

"Okay, follow-up question. Would you rather-"

"I don't think so. No follow-ups. It's my turn."

"Okay, fine, but my next question is going to be the follow-up to that one."

"That's fine." Sam took a deep breath. He knew he was pushing it a little, okay a lot, with this next question, but maybe a bug push would get him to stop acting so stupid and man up a little. "Would you rather admit your feelings about a girl because there's a chance she feels the same, or live in the dark forever because you're too afraid she might reject you?"

Derek stared at Sam for a second. _Is he implying what I think he's implying? He would know, right? I mean, they are dating again. Maybe he senses that something's going on._ "Live in the dark, definitely. I don't do rejection," Derek answered, jokingly.

"Come on, Derek, I'm serious."

_Okay, moment of truth._ "I'd rather admit my feelings, but only after I knew for sure that there was a chance of her returning the feelings."

_YES! Now, just to tell him about Casey's feelings. Without mentioning Casey by name, of course._ Sam was celebrating inside, but trying to remain calm on the outside.

"Okay, now it's my turn. It's not really a 'would you rather…' question, but it still follows my last question. Which of your best friends does Casey have more chemistry with than you?" Derek held his breath, waiting for the answer.

"Ralph," Sam said, trying to keep a straight face. He failed, though, when Derek smacked him upside the head. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I was kidding."

"Come on, now, answer the question."

Sam looked at Derek for a moment. "You know. You don't need me to say it. You're just being overly paranoid, for no reason. When have you ever not gotten something you want?"

Derek looked back at him, confused. "How long have you known what I want?"

Sam sighed. It was time to come clean. He was afraid Derek was going to be pissed at him. He really didn't want to lose his best friend over this. "I'm your best friend; I can almost always tell what you want. I've known pretty much since you brought up the male code when we first got together. I knew what you meant, but I ignored it. You always got what you wanted; I just wanted to get what I wanted once. I figured things couldn't really work out between you two anyways, since you're step-sibs and all. I was wrong. If anyone could work it out, it would be you two. I'm sorry."

"Does Casey know about all of this?" Derek held his breath again. His entire romantic future hinged on the answer to this question. He didn't know what he'd do if Sam told him no.

"It was her idea for us to get back together. She was hoping that seeing us together would push you over the edge and make you finally come to her. She's been waiting for you just about as long as you've been waiting for her."

Derek breathed out, a huge grin on his face. "I'm an idiot."

"Yes, you are."

"Thanks. I'm glad you're there for me, buddy. What do I do now?"

"Now, we finish out our guys night, since it will probably be the last one for quite a while, and then tomorrow you go tell Casey that you're done being stupid."

Derek nodded, smiling.

------------

Derek walked into Casey's room the next day. She was sitting at her desk, reading fan fiction. "Idiot writers, she's supposed to be with him, regardless of the situation," she grumbled under her breath, closing the window. She turned around to see Derek standing still, looking at her. "What?" she asked.

He didn't reply, just grabbed her by the arms and kissed her deeply. When they broke apart, Casey said, "So I take it you and Sam had a talk, finally?"

He nodded. "I'm done being stupid."

"About freakin' time," she replied, sliding her arms around his neck and kissing him again.

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A/N-What did you think? Let me know, please! I check my reviews several times a day, just hoping for something new. Please make today a good day for me! 


	16. Aliens

A/N-Sorry I haven't uploaded another oneshot in a while, I've been busy with school and stuff. Stupid college professors expect you to do homework and stuff. They're silly. Also, I've been working quite a bit on my other story "New Girl," and there was a Chiodos concert last Friday that I went to, so, yeah, now I'm just making excuses. Anyways, this oneshot is really short, but it's silly and fun, and it has Smarti/Smerek cuteness in it, so I like it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

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Aliens

"Aliens aren't real Smerek," Marti said, crossing her arms and pouting.

"Yeah, they are Smarti. Would I lie to you?"

"Yes," she replied, not flinching.

"No, I wouldn't. I'd joke around with you, but never lie. I'd especially never lie about something this serious," Derek said, picking her up and carrying her back inside. They were in the back yard, looking at the stars. Derek wasn't sure where Marti had picked up her new obsession with the nighttime sky, but he didn't really care either. They had been lying on the grass when Derek had asked if they were looking for aliens.

"Why are aliens serious? Are they coming to start a war with our world, like in the movie?" she asked, looking worried.

"Who let you watch 'War of the Worlds'?"

"Edwin."

"I'm going to kill him," he muttered. Out loud he said, "Is that why you've wanted to watch the sky?"

She looked down and started tracing the line of the linoleum with her toe. "Well, Edwin said that aliens aren't real, so I shouldn't be scared. But what if he's wrong? People in the movie said aliens aren't real, and then they died."

"So, if you think aliens are real, why didn't you just say so?"

"In case they aren't real, and you laugh at me."

"Come on, Smarti, have I ever laughed at you?"

She thought for a minute. "Well, no, but maybe this would make you laugh at me. Because if they aren't real, then I'm scared for nothing and only babies are scared for nothing."

Derek thought carefully. He didn't want to lie to her, because he really did believe that "the truth is out there" or however you wanted to put it, but he also didn't want her to be scared anymore. He decided lies were better for the moment, and then he could clear things up when she was older. He picked her up and set her on the counter so they were eye to eye. "Smarti, there's no such thing as aliens."

"But you said there were!"

"I was joking. I didn't know that Edwin let you watch that movie. If you had told me that you were scared earlier, then I would've told you that there's nothing to worry about. Besides, even if there were aliens, do you think I'd let them near my Smarti?"

She leaned forward and hugged him tightly. "No way, Smerek!"

"Exactly. Now, come on, it's time for bed." He lifted her off the counter and sent her upstairs, then moved into the living room where Edwin was sitting. "Hey Ed?"

"Yeah, Derek?" Edwin replied, looking away from the TV quickly to give his brother his full attention.

"Quit scaring the crap out of Marti. She's six; she doesn't know the difference between what's scary and fake and what's scary and real. No more monster movies until she's older."

"Okay, sorry about that. I guess I really didn't think about it."

Derek nodded and leaned back to watch TV.

------------

**Later that Night**

Derek walked into the backyard. Everyone else in the house was asleep.

A strange figure walked towards him. Then it spoke. "Why did you tell the little one lies? How do you expect us to set up good communications with this planet if your young don't believe that we exist?"

"Sorry, Golgameth," Derek replied. "She was scared. Hollywood has you guys as villains in most movies. She's still too little to understand. In another year or two I'll explain it to her. Right now, though, I'd really rather not have her being scared all the time."

"Your people think we are frightening?"

"Yeah. Admit it, if you were us you'd be scared if a huge thing came out of the night to come over and talk to you. You're just lucky that I'm level headed."

"Hmm, I suppose you're right. Well, we can't stand around all night, we have experiments to do."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," Derek grumbled, dragging his feet. "Could you guys do me a favor though and ease up with the probe? It's not exactly the most pleasant experience in the world."

"Really? Ru Paul quite enjoyed it."

"Okay, it's not the most pleasant experience in the world for most people."

Golgameth nodded. "Okay, sorry. We'll 'lay off,' as you say, with the probe."

They stood inside an empty clearing, then were pulled inside a spaceship with the tractor beam. The spaceship then zoomed off into the night.

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A/N-Haha, I told you it was silly! Review! 


	17. I Love Lucy

A/N-I'm so sorry about the long wait! Stupid college professors, giving us homework. Classes are seriously interfering with my college experience. So, yeah, besides all the homework, I also had...dun, dun, duuuun-writer's block. So, I don't know if this one is any good, but I don't think it's horrible. And for everyone reading "New Girl," I'm sorry about the wait on that one too, but that block is even worse than this one is. I know how I want it to end, it's just getting there that's the problem. I'll try to post a new chapter sometime over the weekend, hopefully. Anyways, enjoy!

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

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I love Lucy

"Hey Casey, you feeling any better?" Nora asked as she walked in the front door and took her coat off.

"No, I still feel like crap. However, I've seen just about every 'I Love Lucy' episode ever made now. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing," Casey replied, sniffling a little. "This is all Derek's fault. I can't believe I got mono from him."

"Yeah, I know. We've been trying to keep him from drinking out of the milk carton forever. Maybe now he's learned his lesson," Nora looked pointedly at Derek, who was sitting in his chair.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I want to point out that you didn't ask how I was feeling," Derek said, pretending to look hurt.

"I didn't ask how you were feeling because you're enjoying the time off from school. And, you're here out of your own stupidity. Casey just drank some milk after you."

"Hey!" Derek replied indignantly. "It's not like I knew that Suzie had mono. I wouldn't have kissed her if I had known."

"Well, good. Now maybe you'll think next time before you kiss a random girl," Nora chided as she walked into the kitchen.

"Doubtful," Casey muttered under her breath.

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Everyone was seated at the table for dinner. Casey and Derek had bowls of soup in front of them. Derek looked over at Edwin's plate. "Well, there's another plus to being sick. We don't have to try to stomach whatever it is that Dad cooked. What is that?"

"Goulash," George replied, glaring at Derek. "I'll be sure to make it again when you're feeling better."

Edwin poked at his food. "Aw, come on Dad; don't punish all of us for Derek's rudeness."

George turned his glare on Edwin. Nora cleared her throat and looked at him. He looked back down at his plate, muttering something about ungrateful children. He picked at his food a little, then said, "This really is awful, isn't it?" Everyone nodded. "Okay, sorry. How about we order some pizza?" Everyone cheered except for Derek.

"Hey, I want pizza!" he yelled.

"Sorry, Derek, no can do. Finish your soup," George said, smiling.

Derek looked down into his bowl, muttering something about mean parents.

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The next day, Casey was trying desperately to go to school. "Please mom? I haven't missed this many days in all of the other grades combined!"

"Only you would want to go to school even though you have a legitimate excuse to skip," Derek said, smirking.

Nora shot a glance at Derek, and then turned back to Casey. "Sorry, Case, you're still too sick. Maybe tomorrow your fever will have gone down enough." She walked out the door.

Casey threw herself down on the couch. "Great, another day of 'I Love Lucy' episodes and you."

"Oh, come on, it's not so bad. Besides, if you remember, I did suggest an alternative to this marathon."

"Yeah, and it's that suggestion that got us into this situation in the first place. That, and you kissing random girls."

"Hey, we were broken up that week," Derek said defensively, putting his hands up.

Casey rolled her eyes. "Oh, yeah, because that makes it okay for you to go and do God knows what with a slutty girl, catch a disease, then kiss me and spread it."

"Hey, it does make it okay, because we weren't together when I kissed her, and I wasn't with her when I kissed you. So, technically, no harm done. With the exception of the whole mono thing."

"We are so lucky you're such a slob. How else would I have explained catching mono when you're the only guy I know that has it?"

"You could've told them that you caught it from Suzie."

"Just because she has no morals doesn't mean I don't. I wouldn't kiss her."

"That's good. Because I don't know if I would want to kiss you after you kissed her. Who knows, I could catch something!"

Casey threw a pillow at him. "Shut up. I hate you so much for this."

Derek got out of his chair and slid next to Casey on the couch. "No you don't. You just like to pretend you do. But we both know that I'm way too adorable to hate." He reached behind her head and cupped his hand at the base of her neck. He leaned down and brought his lips to hers. He almost connected when Casey shoved him off of her.

"If you think I'm going to kiss you after you made me miss this much school you're crazy."

"Come on, Casey, it's not like I can get you sick or anything. You already caught the mono I have."

"No, Derek. I'm still mad at you. This has nothing to do with you being sick and me catching it. I'm angry because you made out with that girl and thus caused me to miss so much school."

Derek sighed and ran a hand through his hair distractedly. "Fine, no kissing. What else are we supposed to do?"

Casey reached for the remote and flicked the TV on.

Derek pouted. "You know that by the time we get back to school we will be able to recite pretty much every episode of this show word for word."

"Yeah, well, it's still kind of funny. Everyone likes this show. Besides, the Price is Right doesn't come on for another hour."

"Fine, whatever. I hate daytime TV."

Casey leaned her head back against the couch, nodding. "Yeah, but the catch phrases are timeless."

At that point Ricky said, "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do!"

* * *

A/N-I have no idea if you can really get mono like that, since Casey obviously didn't drink right out of the carton, but I know you can get it from sharing drinks, so I just went with it. And, I don't know if "I Love Lucy" reruns still play during the day, but I know that they did when I was in junior high and elementary school, so again, I just went with it. Anyways, review! Reviewers get a Ricky Ricardo talking doll!


	18. Thanksgiving

A/N-Sorry about the wait! I know that it wasn't as long as the last one, but it was still long enough that I feel bad. And, sorry to all of you who are reading "New Girl." I swear I'm still working on it. I'm waiting to hear from my betas, and as long as they like it, the next chapter will be posted soon. This oneshot is for KylaraDesu, who requested it. I'm still working on writing the requests from SpuffyShipper and Brian, so please be patient. I haven't forgotten you! So, yeah, read on!

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringment intended.

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Thanksgiving

"Help! Please let us out!" Casey screamed, pounding on the door.

"Casey, no one's coming to help us," Derek commented from his position on the floor.

She sighed and slumped down to sit across from him. "This is ridiculous."

"You're telling me. What the hell kind of apartment did Edwin rent? This elevator has to have broken some sort of codes."

"I remember him talking about it. He said that the maintenance guy is supposed to fix it next week."

"He should've fixed it this week."

"Derek, its Thanksgiving. I'm sure that he wants to spend time with his family, just like we were trying to do."

"So what? It's his job to make sure the building works properly, and he's slacking!"

"We wouldn't have this problem at all if you hadn't forgotten the pies."

"We wouldn't have this problem if you had called and reminded me to grab them."

"I'm not your mother. You're an adult-you should be able to remember the pies on your own. Besides, what about Candy? She could've reminded you."

"Well, Candy's not exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. But, I'm not dating her for her brains, or lack thereof, if you know what I mean." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

"God, Derek, you are so disgusting," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, what about you? Why are you with Damien?" he replied, trying to defend himself.

"Damien is a nice man, and smart, and funny. He's going places. He's studying to be a veterinarian you know."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know. He's told everyone within a ten-mile radius that he just got accepted to the vet program over at Washington State. So, I'll give him smart. Nice, okay, yeah, probably, if he wants to help animals and all that crap. But, funny? I think not. I have not heard one funny joke from him all night."

"Maybe that's because your sense of humor is way skewed."

"Or maybe it's because he's not funny. He tries too hard."

"Whatever," she said, crossing her arms over her chest and turning away.

"Oh, come on, don't be like that. It's Thanksgiving, we should be grateful for what we have right now."

"There is nothing to be grateful for at this moment."

"Oh, come on. Aren't you at least a little bit happy to be in here with me? I mean, you did choose to come with me to get the pies rather than stay with everyone else."

"Yeah, because Lizzie, Edwin, and Marti were starting to play, 'Let's get to know Casey's boyfriend!' and that's not an event I wanted to stick around for."

"So instead you subject him to the torturous questions that your sister will undoubtedly ask him, and all by himself, no less. It's a good thing he's the spawn of Satan, or else he'd be in real trouble right about now."

Casey turned back to face him and glared. "What are you babbling about? Spawn of Satan?"

"Yeah, from The Omen? The kid in there is named Damien, and he's the spawn of Satan. Did he kill his mother? Push her off the stairs?"

"Shut up. You're so stupid. You don't get to criticize my boyfriend when you've openly admitted that you're only with your girlfriend for her talents in bed."

"At least I have my priorities where I want them. I'm with someone for what I can get from her physically. Whereas you are with someone who bores the hell out of you."

"He does not."

"He does so. I can see it in your eyes when he talks. He doesn't challenge you, make you think, anything. It's like Sam on a bigger scale."

"Hey, Sam's a nice guy."

"I know. He is my best friend. He is a nice guy, but he's not the guy for you."

"Oh, right, I forgot that you are the expert on me. I suppose you know who the right guy for me is?"

"Of course."

"Well, then, enlighten me please. I'm really dying to know who I should marry."

"Yeah, right, like I'm going to tell you after you just made fun of me. You're going to have to convince me."

"In that case, never mind. I'll figure it out on my own. After all, it is my life; I think I can run it on my own."

"Right, because you've done such a good job so far. Do you want to talk about what your college experience has included thus far?"

"No, we shouldn't. You should just shut up now. I went through a rough patch, and that's part of why Damien is so good for me. He understands that I've had problems, and he's trying to keep me from repeating them."

"Sounds more like he's acting like your brother than like your boyfriend."

"Well, someone has to act like my brother, since you don't."

"Why should I act like your brother? We're not related. Honestly, I don't know why we even came to the same Thanksgiving dinner since our parents are out on that cruise."

"We came because, while we may not feel like family, Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti all do. And they wanted their older brother and sister here. So, here we are. Stuck in an elevator, which is steadily losing the little heat that it had, because you're a dumbass."

"Okay, so we're back to this again. My fault. We need a new topic."

"Fine, what do you suggest?" she asked as she shivered.

Derek scooted over to her side of the elevator, shrugged out of his jacket, and handed it to her. She accepted it wordlessly. "I could always tell you what you need in a boyfriend."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine, I could use a laugh."

"Oh, no. You know what you need to say." He raised his eyebrows and waited.

She sighed. "Derek, you're smarter than me. Please tell me what I need in a boyfriend so that I may improve my life."

"I'm glad you see my wisdom." Casey started to say something, but Derek rushed on and talked over her. "In a boyfriend you need someone who will be completely honest with you. So honest that you won't even like what he says half the time. He will make you so angry sometimes because he's telling you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. But you'll still love him, because you know that he's just trying to help you. He'll argue with you just to watch your face turn red, because he likes to see you riled up. And, he'll be amazing in bed, because someone as passionate as you deserves to have someone equally passionate."

Casey sat in silence for a minute. Derek watched her, waiting for her reaction. Finally, she said, "And I suppose that, since you know everything, you know where I can find this man?"

"Well, duh," he replied. Then he leaned over and caught her lips in a passionate kiss.

They were still on the floor, making out, when the doors were suddenly pried open. Edwin stood over them, looking a little shocked. "Uh, yeah, so, um, you guys were gone for a long time, and I, uh, thought it might have something to do with the elevator, so, um, I thought I'd check on you guys, since, uh, you don't know how to, uh, fix it, so, yeah, I'm going to go now." He rushed off, blushing.

Casey and Derek stood up and straightened out their clothes. Neither of them looked each other in the eye, but they both wore small smiles. Derek bent down and grabbed the bag with the pies. "So, how do you think the spawn of Satan will react to being dumped."

"Probably really bad. He might go crazy and kill me. You know, push me down the stairs or something. What about Candy?"

"It might take her a little while to realize what happened. Do you feel bad about it?"

Casey looked up to find Derek looking right back at her. "No. I found the right guy, why should I feel bad?"

"Because you happened to find the right guy while you were dating the wrong guy."

"No, I met you first. I just had to go through the wrong guys before I realized that you were the right guy."

"Okay. As long as you're happy, I'm happy," Derek said as he slipped an arm around her waist. "Now, let's go face the music. It's not going to be pretty."

"No, but now I have something to be thankful for at least."

Derek smiled and gave her a small hug. "Yeah, me too."

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A/N-Review! If you don't, I'll send Damien after you. 


	19. Things I'll Never Say

A/N-Finally, another oneshot! College is kicking my ass. Sorry about the lack of updates, but it should be better in a couple of weeks. Christmas is coming up, which means I'll have more time to write. Also, thanks so much for all the reviews! We made it over 200! I'm so happy I could dance!  
This is for SpuffyShipper, who requested a story along these lines. However, I'm not sure if I like this one. I'm happy with the way it's written, I just hate Avril Lavigne, so I'm a little unsure. But, whatev. It is what it is. And it's almost three in the morning and I need to get to sleep. ;)

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringment intended.

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**Songfic to "Things I'll Never Say," by Avril Lavigne**

"Casey, hurry! We need to get to the chapel!" Nora called up the stairs, trying to urge her oldest daughter along.

"I'm coming!" she yelled in response. She glanced in the mirror again, and ran her hand through her hair for the umpteenth time. She pulled her dress down and walked downstairs.

**I'm ****tuggin****' at my hair  
****I'm ****pullin****' at my clothes  
****I'm ****tryin****' to keep my cool  
****I know it shows**

"Casey, you look beautiful!" Marti exclaimed. Nora nodded her head in agreement, her eyes already watering.

"How are you feeling?" Lizzie asked. "Are you getting cold feet? Because it's still not too late."

Casey glared at her. "Why would I be getting cold feet? I want to do this. I love Shawn."

"Yeah, so we've heard. But, you know, just in case there's some secret lover you don't want us to know about. You could still be with him."

Casey glanced down at her feet. She could feel the blush creeping across her cheeks.

**I'm staring at my feet  
****My**** cheeks are turning red  
****I'm searching for the words inside my head**

"There is no secret lover. I'm about to become Mrs. Williams. If there was a secret lover, then he sure does have a crappy sense of time." Casey got a hard look in her eyes. "If he wanted to steal me away, he should've done so earlier, before all the arrangements were set. Now, it's too late."

"Casey, it's never too late for love. Look how late in life Georgie and I met," Nora gently said.

"That's different. Besides, this conversation is irrelevant, because there is no secret lover. Now, can we please get to the church?"

------------

The limo pulled up in front of the church and the girls got out. "Please tell me Emily's here already? And Susan?"

Emily walked out of the church. "Yes, we're both here. Just waiting for you. How are you feeling? Nervous? Anxious?"

"Very excited, actually," Casey snipped. "Are we ready to go or not?"

"Almost. We were waiting for you to get here. I'll go tell the priest we're ready." Susan, Shawn's younger sister, said as she ran inside.

Dennis walked outside. "Where's my daughter?" Casey stared at him. "This can't be her. My daughter's just a little thing, about this tall," he held his hand at knee height, "about five? Her mom's going to be pretty mad when she hears I lost her."

"Oh, ha ha, the 'Casey's not this old' jokes aren't getting lame at all," Casey said, rolling her eyes.

Nora laughed good-naturedly. "Just relax honey." She kissed Casey on the cheek and patted Lizzie and Marti on the shoulders. "I'm going to go find a seat."

As Nora walked in, George walked out, followed by Susan. "Are you ready Casey?" he asked.

She nodded impatiently. "I've been ready for the last six weeks. Can we do this already?"

"And you're sure you don't just want Dennis to walk you down the aisle? Not that I don't appreciate you wanting me to walk you too," he added quickly as she started to yell.

She took a deep breath. "Yes George, I'm sure. You've been just as much of a father these past couple of years as my dad has. Now, please, can we get going?" She made a shooing motion with her hands to get the girls in line and then held her elbows out for Dennis and George to take hold of.

The music began and they began to file into the church. As Casey walked, she looked for Derek. She wanted to see what he thought of her in the dress. She knew she was partially wearing it for him.

**I'm feeling nervous  
****Tryin****' to be so perfect  
****'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it  
****Yeah...**

If only he wasn't so stubborn, she could have been walking down to him! _Well, I suppose it is partially my fault too_, she mused to herself as she walked.

Finally they were at the altar. Casey smiled at Shawn, who grinned back happily. _I'm such a horrible person_, she thought. She half listened to the ceremony as her thoughts drifted back to the night before.

------------

_"Casey, please tell me you're not really going to go through with this tomorrow?"_

_"Why shouldn't I Derek?"_

_Derek looked down at the ground. "You know why not."_

_Casey scoffed. "I'm not psychic Derek. Just tell me." _Please, for once, just be honest about how you feel. That's all I need. Say the word and I won't marry him. _If only Casey could bring herself to say the words out loud._

**If I could say what I want to say  
****I'd say I want to blow you--away  
****Be**** with you every night  
****Am I squeezing you too tight?  
****If I could say what I want to see  
****I want to see you go down--on one knee  
****Marry me today  
****Guess I'm wishing my life away  
****With these things I'll never say**

_Derek looked back at her. "What are you thinking? Would you please just say what's going on in your head? I'm not psychic either, you know."_

_"Yeah, that has become painfully obvious." She crossed her arms and looked away._

**It ****don't**** do me any good it's just a waste of time  
****What use is it to you what's on my mind?  
****If it ****ain't****comin****' out, we're not going anywhere  
****So**** why can't I just tell you that I care?**

_"If you're not going to tell me what you want, then there's no point in me being here."_

_"__I guess not," _especially if you're not going to ask me.

_"Well then, I guess I'll see you at the church tomorrow, where you get to start your wonderful life as Mrs. Williams. I hope it's wonderful."_

_"It will be."_

------------

Casey shook herself out of her thoughts. She was worried she might start to cry. And she wouldn't cry for Derek, not today, she refused to let herself. She glanced over at him. He looked like he was going to be sick. She looked back to Shawn, who smiled encouragingly at her. Now she felt like she was going to be sick.

"Does anyone have any reason these two should not be married? Speak now or forever hold your peace."

_Say it, say it, please say it,_ Casey pleaded in her head.

_Come on man, just say it. Don't be a pansy. Fight for her!_ Derek chided himself.

"I d-d-d-" Derek started, then cleared his throat.

**(What ****is****)What's wrong with my tongue?  
****These words keep slipping away  
****I stutter I stumble like I've got nothing to say**

He stood up. "I do."

Shawn looked over at him in surprise. "Derek, man, what's up? Don't you think the protective brother act is a little out of place here?"

"Step-brother," Casey whispered, looking hopeful.

"It's not that. It's," he stopped and took a deep breath. _Here goes nothing._ "I love Casey. I'm in love with her, and I have been for the past two years. I'm an idiot, and I couldn't admit it, and I didn't want to go public because I was afraid of what it would do to my reputation, but I don't care anymore. I can't take this." He walked up to Casey and got down on his knee. Marti could be heard cheering in the background. "Marry me."

"YES!" Casey shouted, pulling him to his feet and hugging him.

Derek kissed her passionately, then grabbed her hand. "Come on, let's get out of here." He led her out to his car and they hopped in and drove off to the hotel where Casey had reserved a room for her and Shawn.

Meanwhile, back at the church, Nora, George, and Dennis were trying to comfort Shawn; while Susan was screaming at Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti.

"You see, Shawn, she's loved him for years. Before they even got together. We all saw it coming. I'm just sorry that they couldn't get their acts together until this moment," Nora explained gently.

Dennis put a hand on Shawn's shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to get hurt in this way."

Shawn stood there looking dazed. His parents came up and led him away, saying that they would try to help him through it.

"How could you not say something?!?" Eddie, Lizzie and Marti didn't reply, they just stared at the floor. "You knew he would be hurt by this. If you had told him, he wouldn't have had to suffer this public humiliation!" The others just shrugged as Susan continued to scream.

Mr. and Mrs. Williams came up and led her away. "It's not their fault, dear. Stop taking it out on them," Mrs. Williams told her.

------------

"So, what finally convinced you to say something? I'll admit it, I was pretty worried there for a little bit."

Derek chuckled. "I know. I almost didn't say anything. But then I tried to picture my life without you, and I couldn't. I knew that I had to say something or else I would regret it for the rest of my life. I would've wished away the rest of my life, regretting the things I had never said."

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A/N-Reviewers get...something witty and funny...oh, what the hell, pick your own prize this week! 


	20. Painting

A/N-Okay, so I'm an awful updater, obviously. I'm so sorry! I know it's been almost three months since I wrote a oneshot, and then I present you with this tiny little update. Seriously, this is the second shortest oneshot I've written for this challenge. The only one that was shorter was "It's hard to let go." So, yeah, I'm sorry for sucking so bad. I hope you're all still with me! By the way, you guys are so awesome! I'm officially 2/3 done with this challenge as of this oneshot, and I've already got 250 reviews for it. I love you guys so much!

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

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**Painting**

"You have green on your cheek."

"What?"

"Right here," Casey said as she leaned over and wiped it off. "What were you doing?"

"Finger painting with Marti," Derek replied. "I washed it all off of my hands, but I didn't think to check my face," he said, putting his hands out, palms up.

"You're such a slob."

"Hey, I washed my hands, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but not your face."

"Well, I wasn't painting with my face; I didn't think to clean it."

"Well-"

"Casey, look what Smerek and I painted!" Marti yelled as she came running down the stairs.

Casey lifted Marti off the ground and set her in her lap. "What is it?" she asked, looking at the bright colors that covered the page with no discernable shape.

"I don't know, Smerek said it was adsmack."

"Abstract," Derek corrected.

"Yeah, that's what I said. He said that it'll sell for a million dollars! Will you call someone to sell it?"

"I don't know who I'd call for that, honey."

"Okay," she said, climbing out of her lap and leaving the kitchen. She came back and handed Casey the phonebook and the picture. "I'll let you keep this until you can find someone to buy it."

Casey smiled. "What are you going to do with the money?"

"I'm gonna buy a pony! And then I'll buy a house for you and Smerek so you can get married, since Smerek helped and that's what he said he wanted."

Casey looked at Derek, who was studying his shoes. "Okay, you sell that and I'm gonna go paint my next picture!" she said as she ran back upstairs.

Derek looked up to see Casey staring at him. "Kids say the darndest things, eh?"

"Yeah, sure," she replied. "I'm going to go upstairs."

"Okay," he said as she left. He dropped his head down on the counter; then hit it against the counter a few more times for good effect.

------------

"Hey Smarti, don't say things like that to Casey anymore, okay?"

"Why not? Isn't that what you said you wanted for helping?" she asked, confused.

"Yeah, but stuff like that's just a secret between us for now."

"Oh. Why?"

"Because," he answered. "I think we need more red in this picture," he said, trying to change the subject.

"Why can't I tell Casey?" Marti asked, not deterred at all.

Derek sighed. "Because she doesn't know yet."

"Doesn't know what? That you wanna marry her?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"When are you gonna tell her? She's smart, she'll figure it out eventually."

"Hey Derek, can I talk to you?" Casey asked from the doorway.

"See, told you. She's probably going to ask you to marry her before you can ask her," Marti said triumphantly.

"Hush," Derek said, getting up and following Casey into her room.

"What's up?" he asked.

She shut the door behind him, then kissed him. "What happened to not telling everyone yet?"

"It's Marti, you know I can't help it," he said, then kissed her again.

"Yeah, exactly, it's Marti. She's not the best secret keeper in the house."

"She's also six. Who'd believe her?"

"We'd be screwed if someone did decide to believe her."

"Well, if she tells someone, then I guess the cat's out of the bag. We'll have to tell them eventually."

"True. Okay, so we're just going to wait until Marti says more than she should? We're going to let our fate lie in the hands of a six year old?"

"Why not? She's Marti, can you think of someone better to put our fate in?"

"I guess not." She kissed him one more time, then let him go finish painting with Marti.

"Did she ask you?" Marti asked, not breaking her gaze from her painting.

"Yep, she beat me to it."

"Always a conpedition with you two."

"Competition," Derek corrected.

"That's what I said."


	21. Water on Fire

A/N-Check me out, updating for two challenges in one day! Who knows, maybe I'll even crank out some new chapters for the other stories! I'm feeling motivated! Unfortunately, not motivated enough to make this longer. It's the shortest entry I've had for this challenge, but it's okay. It's just a little introspective Derek, and he doesn't do long, in-depth thoughts really.

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

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**25. Water on Fire**

Seeing them together was as weird as water on fire. I know that I should be used to it by now, but I just wasn't. I was getting there, slowly, but it would still probably take me a while.

It's just that, I dunno, he's so awkward. And not cool at all. Which was a surprise, because Emily was always such a little social climber. She strove to be one of the cool kids like none other. And then for her to date Sheldon, _Sheldon __Schlepper_, just made no sense at all.

I guess he made her happy, but still. And, granted, he could be funny, but it seemed to mostly happen when he wasn't even trying.

Sometimes, though, he was just outright creepy. Like that thing he does, when he'll just suddenly be right there? Good Lord, who taught that boy how to sneak around, because they did way too good of a job. He's practically a ninja.

I guess the weirdest thing was that they got together after I had started liking her. She had like me for so long, and then, right as I started to catch on, she jumped ship. Bad timing on my part, I suppose.

She still looks at me like she might like me sometimes though. Which gives me hope. Granted, I'll never be as sweet as Sheldon is, but hey, you never know. She's still got that little social climber in there somewhere, so maybe I've still got a chance. Probably not though. Especially since Casey's started to look at me the same way, and I know Emily's loyal as hell and wouldn't do that to her.

I suppose being with Casey might not be too bad. I did have a thing for her for a while there, but she didn't seem to be into it. I guess we're just all stuck in this weird relationship thingy, not a triangle because there's too many of us, a square, maybe? Emily liked me, then stopped when I started to like her, I liked Casey, then stopped when she started to like me, and Sheldon's just in there for kicks. I still don't see how he fits in, but whatever. He makes Emily happy, so that's good, I guess.

Casey and I would probably end up self destructing though. Too much fighting. She's too picky, and I'm too lazy. Now that would really be like fire on water, eh? People would flip.

Maybe everything will work out, someday. Shouldn't be too worried about it right now anyways, right? We're still in high school, there's plenty of time. Maybe eventually the water will put out the fire and everything will go back to normal.

Till then, I'm just going to sit back and wonder, how the hell did Sheldon get Emily?


	22. Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks

A/N-This is very short, and I'm sorry. It takes me forever to update, and then I give you this piddly little offering. I'm so sorry, I just wasn't sure how to make it any longer.

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

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Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks

"Priss," he hissed at her over their cereal.

"Cad," she shot back.

Really, they both needed new insults, but after living together for almost two years, the pickings were kind of slim. Anything that needed to be said already had. Still, they kept trading the same taunts back and forth, almost as if they needed them, like the sharp words were their sustenance.

--

He saw her in the hall. He walked towards her just so he could whisper in her ear, "Preppy."

She dropped her books, surprised more by the warmth of his breath flowing over her ear than the word. "Man-whore," she stuttered back, still a little shaken. He smirked and walked off.

--

He threw a note at the back of her head when the teacher's back was turned. "Grade grubber," it said. She turned around and stuck her tongue out at him. He raised an eyebrow and mouthed, "Mature." She rolled her eyes and turned back around.

--

"Captain Cardboard called for you again," he said as he walked into her room unannounced.

She turned away from her computer to face him. "I don't want to talk to him."

"I know. That was why I told him that you were too busy bleaching your upper lip to come to the phone."

"Jerk!" she screeched at him, jumping out of her chair to push him out of her room.

--

"Nice hair, Spacey," Derek commented as he went to get his breakfast, ruffling her hair on his way.

"I wouldn't talk if I were you, Dereka. Did you even comb your hair this morning?"

"The ladies love my messy hair."

"Maybe the brain-dead ones."

"Would you two please just stop? It's too early to listen to it," Nora pleaded, clutching her coffee cup like it was the only thing keeping her from strangling the two of them.

They rolled their eyes and silently agreed on a cease-fire for the moment. But they both knew that it would start up again before too long. They needed it; it was the only thing that got them through the day. It was their breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snack, you name it. Nails for breakfast, tacks for snacks. Sharp words to keep them on their toes and moving throughout the day.


End file.
